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When Life Gets Stale…

When Life Gets Stale…

The other day, I was browsing Tumblr, when I ran across someone asking a writer how she overcomes writer’s block. The writer responded:

I stop writing when life gets stale.

She continued with advice on how to find inspiration:

So I’ve learned to go to new places, meet new people, have new experiences. Take chances on things you would usually say no to. Be brave for a night and let yourself feel a lot and then let it go the next day. If you connect with a stranger, go for it. Have a conversation for hours about anything, everything. Go to a busy place and write about the people who walk by you. Pretend they are your lovers. Pretend they are people who’s hearts you broke, who broke your heart. Pretend they are your soul mates and the entire universe just came together for you to see this person, then let them walk away. Write about that. I’ve realized that as an artist, I can’t let life be the same. If everything is the same for too long I have to shake it up a bit. If my life is never changing, I will never have anything to write about.

 

Have conversations with people you see often and have always wanted to talk to but never have. Drive for hours to a new state with a friend or by yourself. Stay up later than the rest of your family and sit on a rock with a blanket wrapped around you. Watch the world you don’t see when you are inside watching tv or sleeping. Fantasize about something passionate. Write about how you’re feeling, what you’re seeing, who you want to be, who you are. Write about your rot and your emptiness and all of your aching parts. Write about the most beautiful moments of your life. Write about the people who have died and the things that happen because of it. Read new books. Read books you never thought you’d read. Read your favorite book 5 times. Underline your favorite lines. Give advice to people. Listen to what others have to say. Pay attention to the way they move and interact with one another. Pay attention to the way they say things without actually saying them. Pay attention to how human they are.

Start here.

I haven’t posted a personal blog on this site in months, and I couldn’t figure out why I lost the motivation. Her answer was dead on; life got stale. Life got too routine and too comfortable for me, and when that happened, I became uninspired. After I returned from my break in Europe in January, I vowed to come back with a new outlook on life. To live, rather than exist, but by February, I noticed I had settled back in to routine, yet again.

Life was stale. It was boring, and to top things off, I was burned out

…again…from work.

Then a friend of mine invited me on a trip.

One that wasn’t exactly my idea of a getaway but I kept an open mind and went.

From there I started experiencing things that shook me to the core. Over the next few months, I did something I rarely do, and that’s let people get close to me, and in doing that, I saw my reflection in those people. I was forced to face my truths head on, the good, the bad, and the very ugly.

Ouuhhh and it was bad!

One thing I’ve learned is that if you aren’t willing to confront your truth, then it’s almost impossible to leave your baggage at the door, and have happy and fulfilling relationships with people.

And since my goal is to one day live a happy, joyous life, complete with a family, that includes a soul mate and beautiful kids, I had to take a good, long, hard look in that mirror, and find out who I really was.

Then I pulled out my journal.

Over a period of time, I answered the following questions:

What makes you happy?

What makes you sad?

What are some things in the past that you haven’t let go?

Are they holding you back?

Are you holding grudges?

Are there people you don’t forgive?

What are you most afraid of and why?

How do you see your ‘perfect life’ in the next 5 years? 10 years?

What do you want your legacy to be?

How do you want to be remembered by people who only get a chance to meet you one time?

Answering those questions really gave me clarity in my life so that I could push forward and start walking in my purpose.

I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day, and she said, if we had the things we say we wish we had, do you think we’d be happy?  And that was a difficult question for me because I realized that everything I had on my vision board in 2009, I’ve achieved. I have it. But I don’t feel fulfilled, and I think that is because as I grew older, my wants and needs changed. My priorities changed, not to mention you learn really quick that money and material things is not enough to fill up an empty love tank.

In this celeb-obsessed world, it has been very important for me to share my personal journey outside of my entertainment news blog, because there are people who have found strength in knowing that I’ve had the same struggles that they do, and I have overcome them.  When I don’t write and share my journey, I am left feeling empty. There’s a huge void, which leads me to believe that my personal blogs (and maybe one day writing a book) is all a part of my overall purpose.

So I’m going to take the writer’s advice. I’m moving soon (yes, again), to another state, to experience new things. New people. To challenge myself. To face my fears. And to, most of all, get inspired to keep writing. To keep this thing going.

All I ask, between breaks in writing, is that you don’t give up on me..

Promise?

80 Comments
  • 26 Jun ’14

    GREAT ?

  • 26 Jun ’14

    Wonderful article. I am struggling with this right now.

  • Cha'za Bullock
    Reply
    26 Jun ’14

    So much inspiration in this post!! One of my favorite lines is, “Write about the most beautiful moments in your life”. I often focus on the things that are not going right in my life and forget there has been some very GREAT days. Life has gotten stale from me but this post got me back on remembering my purpose and now I want to ponder on those things and continue to move forward and be great!!! Thx Necole

    • LonBonn
      27 Jun ’14

      That was my favorite part too!

  • 26 Jun ’14

    I love your personal pieces. Especially this one. When I was in high school I LOVED to write.. but i noticed around my second year of college it just kinda went away. Now that I’m done with college I feel like I don’t have anything to write about since it’s been so long. This was so enlightening! Thank you, Necole!

  • Mike James
    Reply
    26 Jun ’14

    The post really spoke to me. For the past few months I’ve felt trapped in a world that I had outgrown. Naturally, I found no inspiration. This lack of inspiration affected my attitude and oftentimes I felt a bit depressed. Yet, once I realized that I control my attitude and the way I view the world around me through the thoughts that I think, I discovered that what I needed to do was make a change in my thinking and start dreaming and experiencing life anew. Now, not only do I have a new job, but I’ve started to make new friends and build stringer relationships with my family. Sometimes a break to reassess our life through new experiences gives us the perspective we need to get back on track to the life we want.

  • 26 Jun ’14

    This post is everything!!!

  • 27 Jun ’14

    I love it!!

  • 27 Jun ’14

    Definitely love the article, Necole! Very inspiring! 🙂

  • Mariah
    Reply
    27 Jun ’14

    This is exactly what I needed! Thank you! I love your site, it’s my one-stop-shop to get the latest news. You always give great detail without being catty towards whoever the subject is. You seem like a wonderful person and your story is inspiring!

  • 27 Jun ’14

    Thank you thank you THANK YOU! These post is just what I needed today. Today I had an rough day emotionally and this post really put everything into perspective. I think I’m going to spend time this weekend to answer those questions you listed. Your transparency is always humbling and needed. Promise that you will continue to share your experiences as embark on your new journey. Wishing you all the best as you step further into your purpose.

  • 27 Jun ’14

    Awesome! I love it, Thanks for sharing. I too am a writer, and when life is “Stale” I have no desire to write. It’s a shame because I believe writers hold a very special place in this world, and people need what we have bottled up inside of us. It’s important to nurture that gift like a new born baby and give birth to it. You never know who you are inspiring or the spark that you ignite with your words. I pray that you me and whoever else has been blessed with such an awesome gift would continue to bring a little sunshine into the lives of others as they journey through life alongside us. God Bless.

  • 30 Jun ’14

    This was such an amazing blog post, because not only are you staying true to who you are…but also on the fact that we at times in our lives do and truly need to take time out to listen to the world around us.

  • Violette
    Reply
    30 Jun ’14

    Promise 🙂

  • Melinda Marie
    Reply
    1 Jul ’14

    Necole, I’ve been following you since you started and I’m so glad you’ve opened up with Iamnecole.com because you inspire me so much–more from your inner wisdom than the blog (Necolebitchie) itself..Because I know what we see here is the real you. And I’ve learned from the time I’ve spent here so far on earth is that’s all that really matters. Your transparency and gift for speaking in such a real way is really unique. I have also been dealing with these same things, but you always rise up from your troubles with a way out. Everyone doesn’t see hope in the world around them, so I applaud you for inspiring people near and far, with your gift of “writing and relating”…I feel that I’ve got the same thing. Writers see the world in a vastly different way. Very introspective would be the word I guess. You’ve helped inspire me to begin writing again and of course, to constantly be an overcomer. Starting small.

    Much love!!!

  • Misha Miller
    Reply
    3 Jul ’14

    You got it girl 🙂 great article. Today I was thinking how I crave more from life. I told this girl at work that I’ll probably never get married and always be alone. I’ve always been alone. I’ve always lusted the wrong ones and its always left me feeling lonely and more closed off than before. Then I’ll smile as a couple in love walks by and think that might not be such a bad thing to have. I read so many positive and uplifting affirmations about love and listen to love filled songs but I’m not applying them to my life. And I’m ready to try something different. Something fresh. Good luck girl…this love thing sound just as good to me

  • LC
    Reply
    3 Jul ’14

    I promise! I love your site! And love is unconditional

  • Nat
    Reply
    3 Jul ’14

    Hi Necole,
    This is truly amazing. I love this post, and it just shows that you are human like the rest of us. I am a Virgo so living a routine based lifestyle is nothing new to me, but it does become so boring. I found inspiration when I moved from Maryland to New York for college. But after college, I came back to Maryland, lost became uninspired, settled and every thing has become a dam routine. I will definitely try some of the steps that the writer mentioned in her post and see how far this goes.

    Good Luck & Best Wishes!

  • Lyssa
    Reply
    5 Jul ’14

    PROMISE.

    The golden nuggets in this post are huge so I’m just going to keep this page open for a while and write some of it out

  • 6 Jul ’14

    This was absolutely beautiful and so inspiring. Thanks Necole

  • 7 Jul ’14

    I loved this post. Just now discovered your personal blog, but have followed your celebrity gossip blog since 2007. I’m currently living in Miami Beach since 2011 and am at a personal and professional crossroads and may cut my losses here and move somewhere more financially lucrative AND spiritually fulfilling. The weather is gorgeous here but I find the “scene” here to be TIRED. I want more out of life now. Have you decided where you’re going to relocate next? I wish the best whatever you decide to venture. I remember a previous post where you said the secret is that you always know when it’s time to leave and not to be the one that stays too long. I also lived in Atlanta and found it to be stagnant and segregated and left there for Miami because I prefer a more international flavor. I was very curious if you could please tell me what was your real opinion of life in Miami and why you stayed such a short time here and what made you personally decide to leave here. Any feedback about your personal experiences here will bec greatly appreciated. Thank You. ❤️ Besos

  • 9 Jul ’14

    Everyone loves what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and coverage!
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  • Renee'
    Reply
    9 Jul ’14

    *Sighs* You are an inspiration and invoke thoughts and feelings that people may be sweeping under the rug. I appreciate your honesty and bravery…..Thank you:)

  • 10 Jul ’14

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  • Christina Samuels
    Reply
    14 Jul ’14

    promise boo

  • 18 Jul ’14

    I PROMISE, Virgo 😉 & let’s get back to updating your personal IG, yes? You are the inspiration that keeps many (ME!!! primarily lol) going. <3

  • 21 Jul ’14

    This was spot on. Ireally enjoy reading some of your personal blogs. This one was very timely and I am going to stop and ask myself those same questions. As I work full-time and also am a blogger, I too have some sort of routine – mostly to keep sanity LOL But mostly I think it’s great to see the flip side of what routine will do to you. Thanks!

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  • Sheila
    Reply
    28 Jul ’14

    Necole, there is something so special about you! I don’t know you but your Ora through your blocks speaks volumes! You came..you saw..and conquered. And yet your able to admit that you long for more. One step can change your life forever, Maby your upcoming mood is destiny.

  • 28 Jul ’14

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  • Sammy
    Reply
    31 Jul ’14

    Wauwww, wauww!!! I swear this blogg gave me so much inspiration! I love the way you are opening up yourself to the world and let us have a look in your way of thinking.

    Keep on writing honey!!

    Love you as a sister

    X

  • Kylan Kemp
    Reply
    2 Aug ’14

    Love this! Really helped me open my eyes.

  • 4 Aug ’14

    This was a really good post! And as I was reading the questions that you answered I started to cry as I briefly thought about those answers for myself. I clearly have a lot of things built up inside that I need to work on. I am a writer and I do agree I am uninspired when things aren’t changing but you gave great examples about how to expand the topics we write about. Also, when I begin writing about the same things over and over just to have something to write about I know I need a shift in my life. I love love love you and feel like we are virtual besties lol The post you wrote a while ago about being a introvert was SO ME! Try not to stay away for too long because we really enjoy what you have to say! thanks so much

    *pulls out journal and box of tissues

  • 10 Aug ’14

    Change is growth! Best wishes on your move! 🙂

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    17 Sep ’14

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  • Kendall
    Reply
    30 Sep ’14

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    Reply
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  • asia
    Reply
    5 Feb ’15

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  • 13 Feb ’15

    Thank you for sharing! You’re such a Virgo, hahaha… me too, so much of what you’ve written here sounds so much like myself. 🙂

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  • Laura
    Reply
    10 Dec ’15

    I know this write is months ago and I’m finally just now reading it and going to write a comment. I was thinking the other day how I miss your original Necole Bitchie website. I think about it quite often when I’m about to go online and check up on the latest entertainment gossip. I came across your new website and came across this article. I half to say I agree with you feelings about a lot of things. Like letting people in. It use to piss me off that I felt like I was always giving my energy to help people I once called friends and never getting anything in return. Now I’m seeing how I use to push people away even when I would be their shoulder to cry on or person to talk to. I see now how I never really opened up to them the way I have once I put myself into counselling. Somewhere during my weekly sessions I felt the need to take a stand for myself and I looked back in my mind and thought; when where and how was these friendships ever a two way street. Mind you one of those friends actually did help me in one of my darkest days. I thought she would always be my best good friend, even though we stopped talking in high school but found our way to be friends and put all the petty stuff behind us. I really thoughts we talked through our difference and u could trust this person 100% without a doubt. But one day I noticed a difference in her. She changed and I don’t think it was one thing that in her life that made it that way. She wasn’t really the person I could turn to anymore. I noticed I was keeping my distance (which in some ways I needed to) while I was helping myself seek some answers/ clarity from therapy. I thought it would be a good thing for me to send out an email and text to two people I had considered my “good” friends. These two people I knew for a long time, I supported them through everything they wanted to do or accomplish. I stuck by them and talked, listened, had their back. All I wanted through my email and text was for them to acknowledge the situation and help us move forward. When I never received a reply from either of these two people, it really did hurt me. I was so confused and pissed off that they would dismiss me like I was nobody to be bothered with. My pride felt like hey well at least you know you don’t have to waste your energy but my feelings where like wow that hurts. I’ve cried about it one day on the phone talking to my BF… He noticed I was talking about the situation in passing a few times and he felt that it affected me and brought it up. It’s so hard to be vulnerable. It was hard for me to take the necessary steps to seek that professional help. It was hard for me to have to let those people go. Knowing what I know about these two people and how they grew up and how they go on about life. I really shouldn’t be mad or hold a grudge. They are human. Stupid ones but human none the less lol..they missed out on a really great person.
    I’m a mom now to a 8 month old and I have a beautiful relationship with a man who grew up fast and takes responsibility for his growing family in every way a man should. Everyday is different, yet sometimes the same. But if it wasn’t for me putting those people to the side. I don’t think I would of had room for what I got now. Change is a good thing Necole. I hope you’re happier today. 🙂

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