Why I Quit My Celebrity Gossip Blog
On those days you feel like giving up. Never forget your “Why”.
A year ago today I quit my celebrity gossip blog “Necole Bitchie.”
I remember it like it was yesterday. There seemed to be a huge weight that lifted off of my shoulder as I pressed ‘Publish’ on what would be my final blog post titled, ‘It’s Time For Me To Move On.’ I didn’t care if it had typos or grammatical errors, I just wanted to get it out and move on with my life.
A day later, I ran off to Mexico for a week. It was the first real vacation I was able to take unplugged. I had no idea what my life would be like when I returned. All I knew was that I had just let go a huge piece of me– A brand I built, nurtured and watch grow for 8 years.
In a weird way, I felt like I had let go of my identity.
I remember I used to tell people that I didn’t want what I did to define me, but I’ve learned over time that our jobs, and how we decide to spend a huge portion of our days and lives do define us. Despite launching a women’s lifestyle and empowerment blog months later, I considered the last 365 days of my life as a personal hiatus. A break. I needed that time off from the entertainment industry to figure out who I am stripped of a title and how I could put others on.
What is your character like Necole?
How do you love?
Are you a great friend?
Are you caring?
I had to find that out, because in the midst of rushing through 8 years of reporting celebrity gossip and mingling amongst the rich and famous, I wasn’t sure I knew.
In the midst of waking up each day and worrying about pageviews, advertising dollars, and staying current and relevant… I wasn’t sure I knew.
365 days later, I can say that I go to sleep at night at peace and I wake up happy. There is no amount of money that can buy a peace of mind. I have a stronger relationship with God, as well as my friends and family. I’ve learned how to love, be caring and compassionate. I’ve learned to be still and live in the moment.
(It’s hard to live in the moment, when you have to check emails, social media and the web every moment of the day to make sure you didn’t miss some opportunity to break news. It’s also hard to connect with people and nurture and build real relationships. Honestly, my life used to feel like a huge facade. )
My conscious is clear.
The number one question I’ve been asked over the past year is why I decided to let the site go, or why I couldn’t keep it running why I pursued other things.
When I look back, those eight years were good to me. The site allowed me the opportunity to make tons of money, work from my bed, travel the world, win numerous awards, be featured in various magazines (including my favorites Ebony Magazine and Cosmopolitan), visit The White House, go on a tour with Rihanna, be mentioned in some of my favorite TV shows and a few songs (**smile**), and be in rooms with the likes of Oprah, Ariana Huffington, and even Beyonce.
But inside I was fighting an internal battle every single day.
My overall goal in life has always been to be a source of inspiration for young women and I was having a hard time creating that legacy for myself with the platform that I had built. How could I continue to think that I was in some way adding value to the lives of my readers when my site posted about drama, celebrity beefs, divorces, break babies, fights and negativity on the regular? I can compare it to having a young child, and continuously feeding her junk that stunts her growth and maturity, versus nutrients that will help grow into a healthy adult.
I wanted my site to be the nutrients, not the junk food.
And for that reason alone, for a long time I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for what we were publishing and feeding the site’s loyal following. That guilt was making it extremely hard to embrace and enjoy success because of what that success was built off of.
I don’t feel that guilt anymore.
I sleep peacefully now that that burden is off my shoulders. I walk in rooms with more confidence. I feel empowered. I feel as though I’m contributing to the advancement of women of color in a positive way. I feel like #blackgirlmagic!
Over the last 365 days, I’ve managed to stop allowing the “what” I do to define me, and now it is the ‘why’ that I allow to drive me and my decisions with hopes that my journey will continue to be inspiring to other women trying to find their way. I’m extremely proud of the path I decided to take, and finally being able to stand for something.
I can definitely say that today.
Six months ago, when I thought I’d have to go back to sleeping on couches due to putting everything I had into this dream, I couldn’t say that. While trying to knock down doors at advertising agencies, and attempting to find a way to keep my writers paid and the content great, I couldn’t say that. In the midst of my meltdowns and the days I didn’t want to climb out of bed, I couldn’t say that.
But without risks there are no rewards. I’ll speak more on it in the coming months as I feel that we celebrate success and we show the good parts and the highlights but we tend to hide that sometimes you have to tread through hell to get to heaven.
My message to anyone who is reading this, who may be successful but feel as though they are stuck in a career they don’t love, or a situation that is unfulfilling, ask yourself, “How long will I live a life I don’t love before I take the first step towards living the life of my dreams?”
It’s important to note that when you are transitioning, you may have to sacrifice and give up a few material things and the lifestyle you are accustomed to. If you quit your job, 99% of the time, you won’t be living the life of your dreams tomorrow. It definitely takes time, persistence, resilience and work to get to where you want to be.
But please believe, any losses will only be temporary, and those things will come back tenfold in due time.
I remind myself of that every day.
Those losses will eventually turn to wins.
It isn’t supposed to be easy.
If it was easy, everyone would be living the life of their dreams.
And everyone would be successful.
Those spots at the head of the table are reserved for those who take risks and who also sacrifice their lives for a purpose greater than themselves. It took me a long time to realize that.
Maybe too long but my path is a little clearer.
With that being said, stay inspired and never give up on your dream.
Thank you everyone for your continuous love and support. I am in tears daily by your kind words, and encouragement and I keep them in a praise folder so that I never forget my “Why”: 💕
It’s notes like these that remind me of why I continue to do what I do.
Wishing you lots of light and love!
Originally posted on Instagram