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You Will Not Always Win

You Will Not Always Win

Necole looking out
** This post was written two years ago. Reposted as a reminder as we go into the holidays and a new year to never give up.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a popular beauty blogger and her husband, and he said, ‘How do you handle failure when everyone’s watching! That has to be difficult!’

I responded, ‘I keep in mind that for every win there is a million loses.’ 

It’s true, every successful person that you know has failed at something. There are Oscar-winning actresses that have tried out for a number of parts they didn’t get, Donald Trump has filed for bankruptcy FOUR times, Steve Jobs got fired from his own company, and Oprah suffered extremely low ratings the first few years that she started OWN.

Just last year, Olympic medalist Lauryn Williams suffered an injury that could have put an end to her track career, but she did not give up.  She switched gears, learned to bobsled, and just last week, she won a few more medals as part of the US bobsled team at the Olympics.

Singer Tamar Braxton has been dropped from 5 record deals and look at her now. She has two reality shows, a TV talk show, a successful album, #1 singles and hoards of award nominations.

It’s not how you fall, it’s how you get back up.

It’s about learning how to turn your loses into wins.  That person who slammed the door on you last week, may be banging on your door with a bigger offer that you could have ever imagined a few years from now.  Take for instance, Brian Acton, the developer of the Whatsapp mobile app. He was turned down for a development job at both Facebook and Twitter within months of each other in 2009, and this year, Facebook bought his app for $19 billion.

Let that marinate.

Always trust that what God has in store for you may be bigger than the dreams you have for yourself.

It’s all about timing.

The years 2011 -2013 was the most turbulent years of my life when it came to success. I had many ideas that failed and the pressure and expectations from me was high because I had already created a successful entertainment news site. I failed over and over and over again, not to mention half of the revenue I was making during those years was going towards huge IRS bills as a result of my former business managers not filing my taxes.  I also had to pay off a settlement in a million dollar lawsuit for copyrighted photos that had been posted on the website that were not licensed.  Couple that with enormous server bills, not being able to hire new staff so that I could free up some of my time, and investing tons of money into ideas that did not work, and I was nearing a meltdown.

On the surface, I looked okay, I was winning awards, appeared in a few magazines, but behind the scenes I was a wreck.

My passion for what I once dreamed about was gone and I kept telling myself, ‘I did not work this hard, and sacrifice friendships, relationships, etc. to be this depressed, miserable and stressed out everyday.’

In the midst of all of that,  in December 2012, my maternal grandmother passed away. I had already lost my parents while I was in college, and my paternal grandmother years prior to that, and I was too numb by everything else I had going on to be able and willing to see another family member on their death bed. I didn’t have the strength to attend another funeral.

I was TIRED!

But I’m here. I’m STILL HERE!

I made it through the storm!

To get through it all, I had to tell myself every day, ‘You won!’  “You Are WINNING!” I remember I began to say it every single day, typed it every single day a million times, until I believe it and I felt it. I am Winning!

Now in 2014, I can truly say, I have won.

But this race is not over and there’s more work to do.

Don’t let failure take you out. Don’t let it discourage you.  And don’t give up. That door that closed today will lead you to a door with a bigger opportunity tomorrow.

You just have to believe it and believe in yourself.

xo

59 Comments
  • 25 Feb ’14

    I just love what you are doing to bring positivity to us all! And be transparent (something that I crave most from beauty/fashion and entertainment blogs)

  • sasha
    Reply
    25 Feb ’14

    I love this.. it’s so easy to get discouraged these days when you feel like there’s competition everywhere and everyone is against you.. seeing that some of the most successful people in the world have really had to work hard and overcome real obstacles makes the minor things we go through seem like nothing.. this is exactly what I needed today and will continue to strive to do my best and use any disappointment as a stepping stone

  • Bethany
    Reply
    25 Feb ’14

    I love your website necolebitchie.com (I check it everyday) But I love your I am Necole blog even more. As a young adult I like reading about things I can relate to and your blog/stories are very uplifting. Please Continue writing about life, the books you read and etc.

    • 4 Mar ’14

      @Bethany, love all that you do too Bethany. You & Necole are trailblazers. Blaze on. I’m on your skirt tail.

  • 25 Feb ’14

    This article is packed full…..with so much inspiration, because not only did YOU {Necole} speak upon how you have grown and over came the obstacles and hurdles within your life. You also gave people the much needed ENCOURAGEMENT to strive and over come obstacles and hurdles within their own lives!!!!!!! 😉

  • Ashley J.
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    I’m thankful for my failures in that I am learning how to be greater! Thanks for sharing! This was an amazing post and I wish you all the best!!!!

  • Tobore Oweh
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    Thank you so much Necole! I seriously needed to hear this at this very moment in my life! You are a major inspiration to me and I get a sense of hope when I read your blog. Stay positive and God bless!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    It’s been so long since we chatted, but I’m so proud of you Niki ! We go baaaaaack, and I support the hell out of you!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    (Y) great encouraging message (Y)

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Go girl

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Necole check out my personal blog ryd-cm.blogspot.com

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Jordan Patterson

  • Dom
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    Wow. God was right on time with this one. Thank u for sharing ur struggle u have no idea how much u have inspired and comforted me. Tough times don’t last tough ppl do… just like u girl. Detroit is proud. Keep pushing and i will too. P.s. i adore u so much i will work for u for free… temporary. Lol.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Incredible transparency. Very brave.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    I love your blog Necole! It gives me life. You never really know whats going on in a persons life because we walk around with plastic smiles trying to make it seem like everything is ok. Reading your post let me know That I’m not alone in some of the thinks I feel someday’s and to stay positive, eventually everything turns around. Even when it doesn’t seem like you’re winning you are! I’m glad everything is turning around for you.

  • YES!
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    Necole,

    You are are a BLESSING. Do you know the power in your words and encouragement? Do you understand that you are changing lives and giving people hope to keep pushing? I have been a crying mess since reading this. I was on my last leg. I mean…ready to give in in so many ways. On the verge of sleeping in my car…things are real. But I have hope that this sacrifice will lead to my reward. God spoke to me through you and you will never know how much I am thankful for this post. God bless you!!!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Andrea MzStardom Hardy Zirconia A.

  • JoVetta
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    I really needed this at this particular time. I have failed and I am just now trying to pick myself back up in the profession that I once loved so much and believed I could be successful at but allowed myself to fail miserably giving another person way too much power over me etc,etc. but I believe I can do this time without the failure I have dusted myself off realizing that wasn’t the end and I am back in the race and at this moment I need reassurance that I am doing the right thing. Thank You

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Amazing, just amazing. This is just what I need to continue pushing forward! God bless you 🙂

  • 26 Feb ’14

    A must read. Very inspiring. http://www.divasinspire.com

  • 26 Feb ’14

    I needed to read this, I have been failing every other year but had huge blessings because of that..

  • 26 Feb ’14

    As much as I’ve followed your story and blog over the past couple of years, I genuinely appreciate your personal blog. It is about life, and provides strength, courage, and growth for everyday women. As one gets older, the absorption of the lives of celebrities seem to become irrelevant and somewhat un-serving because you are at the end of the day meddling in gossip. I’m so proud of the shift that you are having in your brand. Take the risks. follow your spirit, and always be connected to your divine purpose. When you follow your spirit, you can do no wrong, and I truly believe that some of the desires we wish to have, God must mold us into the people to accept, appreciate, and be humbled in those gifts. Keep your head because you have millions of people rooting for you.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Very inspiration message. I was blessed by it!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Such an encouraging message! Just made my morning brighter

  • 26 Feb ’14

    What an amazing picture!

  • Brandy
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    Such a beautiful, positive, influence to others. I pray for your success financially and mentally.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    So dope Niki. Loved the article. i produced YMCMB’s new single “Senile” with Tyga Nicki and Wayne. Lmk if we cld do an interview. You’re a great writer, ima fan.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is truly inspiring!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Amen!

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Very inspiring! Def needed this! Ty

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Very inspiring read! Thanks for sharing.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Yup, very true! Can’t win at everything but as long as you try your hardest and do what you can do you’ll be more successful in the long run.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    Yup, very true! Can’t win at everything but as long as you try your hardest and do what you can do you’ll be more successful in the long run.

  • 26 Feb ’14

    I so needed to read this today! Thank you 🙂

  • Cher
    Reply
    26 Feb ’14

    Necole,

    Your candidness is refreshing, appreciated, and encouraging. I hope you continue to share your testimony with us. It helps more than you know! Keep up the good work and GOD Bless you!

  • 27 Feb ’14

    Thank you so much for this Necole! I can truly relate ❤️❤️

  • 27 Feb ’14

    Beautiful!!!

  • 27 Feb ’14

    Thank you for this! My friend and I are going through a serious quarter life crisis. It helps to see that even when people are winning such as yourself there are still trials and turbulences. Definitely puts it all in perspective.

    Best,

    Taylor

  • She
    Reply
    27 Feb ’14

    Thank you!

  • 3 Mar ’14

    Thanks Necole! I needed this today…

    Keep winning! Keep encouraging others! Keep sharing your truth! Your voice and journey is a breath of life to someone who feels like they are on their last breath.

  • Kre
    Reply
    3 Mar ’14

    You’re a true inspiration. Your heart shows every time you post online. Your positivity is a great alternative to all the negative that one normally gets from gossip blogs. Thank you, see you at the top.

  • 4 Mar ’14

    Ephesians 3:20

    Keep on keeping on. In the end, you always win.

  • Sade
    Reply
    4 Mar ’14

    I’ve been so scared to try lately. Scared of failure. Scared of success. This just touched me in a way that I’ll never be able to thank you for. I think I’m ready for the losses……but I’m determined for the wins.

    Inspired and unwavering.

  • Lee
    Reply
    6 Mar ’14

    I will be reading this every morning. Motivation!

  • nycole
    Reply
    10 Mar ’14

    Necole, your posts come in time. Just last year when I turned 27 I was “fearing getting older” in tears on my b-day in my car for 4 hours, and I just happen to get an email in my inbox “embrace getting older”.

    Fast forward 5 months extreme challenges have been testing me, and I have been feeling down for the past couple of weeks, I come across this post and low and behold “the message” comes to me. The temporary set backs do not have to allow me to quit.

    You mentioned 2011-2013 you had several set backs, but on the surface you had all the accolades and awards so we all assumed everything was perfect, it reminded me of what a FB friend said to me the other day “your doing your thing, you look sooo happy.”

    A pictures say a “thousand words”. All she see’s is the photos from my events and the mic in my hand, but if only she knew what I am really dealing with.

    I say this to say, thank you for being honest and being an inspiration.

    I can’t wait to share my story with the world.

  • 7 Apr ’14

    This was a great post. I never knew you had a separate blog which I love since it’s more personal and we get to know a different side of you. I appreciate hearing the stories about others that have failed, because many times people tell us to follow our dreams and we think that it will be a smooth ride, when in reality it has many ups and downs. We should embrace failure and trust in God that he didn’t bring us this far for it to end. Soon the darkness will turn into light, we just have to have faith. “You are winning, we are winning!” Thank you Nicole!

  • 9 Apr ’14

    Thank you Necole, I am a young journalist building my brand and this helped me . I often have to be the person who inspired others to keep going and not to give up but like you i have dealt with ALOT of failures, and fake people being around me, but i too keep pushing forward . It’s good to see a journalist like yourself , pushing through the storms of life , it gives me the courage to do the same , and to also inspire others too . You are truly and inspiring women , thank you, i truly needed this

  • Miss Caramel
    Reply
    14 Apr ’14

    This article was just what I needed to read as I am currently going through
    trying to motivate myself and believe that my dreams will come true.
    God bless youxx

  • 4thewire
    Reply
    18 Apr ’14

    Hey Ms. Bitchie life is extreme highs and lows its probably the only time we are in the present.

    I bought and read R. Simmons’s last book.

    If you don’t already meditate, do so. I started since I bought the ebook and I can tell you I’m a lot more calm and focused.

    It’s going to be a process (witnessing) but whatever comes next for you meditation will help you get the most out of your next extreme high/low.

    Can’t wait to see your NEXT BIG THING!!!!

    That view is spectacular!

    XO for sharing……..

  • Lyssa
    Reply
    5 Jul ’14

    GIRL.

    Hand to the heavens. You are a blessing.

  • Brantley
    Reply
    12 Jul ’14

    Amazing story! Keep winning.

  • 16 Aug ’14

    This is awesome! God Bless 🙂

  • Teri
    Reply
    18 Aug ’14

    Thanks Diva, this post felt like real big sis advice. You just won my heart for this. Much love & blessing to you.

  • Jessica
    Reply
    18 Dec ’14

    WOW! WOW!!!! I have officially found my inspiration to continue writing on my blog. I read the post about your mother and i must say that really touched me. I have lost a parent too, and to this date, i have not really let it out on paper (well on my blog). That post inspired me, i could really feel what you spoke about there. This post too is so relevant. To this date i am waiting on GOD to perform His works in me. Like you said, its all got to do with timing!!! I have felt like giving up, however i still have this still small voice that says that my turn is coming…

    Again, thank you for sharing. I cant stop reading your posts… addicted much? 🙂

  • ~k
    Reply
    13 Apr ’15

    Everyday I pray to God to show me inspiration because as you’ve said too, I’M TIRED. I’ve been saying it my whole life but it’s been getting worse recently to the point, I’ve thought about giving up. These thoughts are draining me. However, I’m so thankful that I’ve found your personal blog. It’s given me some hope to carry on. Thank you

  • 8 Jan ’16

    Thanks for posting this. I never knew you went through so much. It’s amazing that you sustained for so long. With all that trouble, I don’t think I could continue to work on something that wasn’t fulfilling.. unless it had the status of a job in my life. It seems like what was once a dream became a job and pushed you even further to realize what your ideal job could be. I’m in a similar state, where I know what I like but with additional complications all the fun is drained out of the process. In that case, it’s really something I could substitute with a 9 to 5. The ambiguity is disturbing to me. Lurking in the background are one or two things that have more fun connected to them. At the same time, I think it would be foolish to switch gears and work on something that I’m low on in skill level simply because I enjoy it instead of an ambiguous dream.. It could take a couple decades just to grow in skill before monetizing in those areas. Add to that an unstable employment period and I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll have to pursue a lukewarm passion just to substitute for what traditional employment may not provide.. I really hate to be one of the people with a dream (or several). It’s not nearly as fun as it seems, no matter how successful you begin to believe you’ve become.

  • Brianna Patrice
    Reply
    23 Nov ’16

    I seriously love you! Motivation and inspiration. Thank you for this … I always look forward to a new blog from you and xonecole.com. There are days when I really just want to give up on chasing my dreams. But xonecole has given me a new perspective and every individual story I’ve been able to read has motivated me to keep working hard.
    @briannapatrice

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