I’m in a very Bitchie mood today. Like that mood you get in where you are close to the edge and if one person come at you wrong, they are liable to get popped off on. I have no idea why and lord knows I’ve been working on my anger. That alone has made me keep to myself over the past few weeks. I haven’t been on the scene since last year. Just trying to get my life in order and continue to stay positive. I’ve sat back and reassessed my situation. My circle. My business relationships. My everything… and noticed something wasn’t right. Now it’s time to sort everything out. I think I was so determined to prove that I could be “something” and I would be “something” last year that I made very bad decisions in my life in terms of my associations. I didn’t know how to differentiate the good from the bad. Business wise. The people I chose to share my life with. The people I chose to love. The people I chose to hurt.
anyway i’m off of that…
I can’t wait until the weekend.
…And I have to say one thing:
When i was 17, I met this guy who was a year older (18). Tall, light/golden complexion, greenish/grey eyes, sandy hair..I’m thinking along the lines of A-Rod in terms of describing his physical appearance. He was “fine” to me and new in town. I used to walk past his crib every day just to get a glimpse of the cute new guy on the block. One day I walked by and he decided to say something to me…and we started to hang out after that which led to him becoming my boyfriend.
The thing about this guy (who I’ll call Jake). I don’t know what was wrong with me back then but I had no idea how to show my “affection”. Holding hands wasn’t enough for me as I would always provoke him into a play fight. I wanted to wrestle and be rough. I wanted to jab him in the side with my elbow and punch him in the stomach and for some reason I got enjoyment out of watching him curl over. Looking back…that shit was crazy. I think one day i roughed him up a bit too much and he said sternly “STOP!” his jawline tightened, his eyes turned dark and he looked like he was about to go to war. Fear came over me for half a second and then I thought “What is he really going to do?”. I stopped tormenting him for a few days but a week later I was back to the elbowing and small jabs. One day I accidentally knee’d him in the nuts and before I knew it, I was on the floor being choked out by this guy. His arm was around my neck and he literally didn’t let me go until I was on my last gasp of air. When he realized what had actually happened he blurted out a bunch of “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry” and so on, but damage was done and I took my disoriented butt home. I never mentioned this to my friends or my mom because I knew they’d be ready to call the cops to come lock his 18 year old ass up… But I also didn’t tell anyone because I knew that I had pushed him to the edge. No, he should have put his hands on me, but I tormented this guy until he exploded.
I never went back to his house and I never talked to him again after that day and since then I made a vow that I would NEVER let a man put his hands on me. Better yet, the minute a man raises his voice, I’m out of there. However I take responsibility of pushing my man too far…
I hope you get what I am trying to say…
Hi, I'm Necole!
I’ve just been put onto your site; and id like to say that i love both your site & blog. You’ve inspired/motivated me to pursue what I love to do. I’m pretty sure you’ve received plenty of emails from people like me… well here is one more to add to the bunch. Thank you !
p.s. keep your head up.
-dauche
Thank you, i get what you’re trying to say and once people get over their fantasies, they will realize (or maybe not) what this situation is all about. Better still i think once the dust settles i hope more light is shone on girls / woman who may push a boy / man too far. Knowing yourself (your boundries) can prevent further things happening, like a current situation which is going on right now. Woman cry equality in the work place and life but when it comes to something like this, then the rules change in ‘the media’ / ‘societies’ eyes.
Thanks for this blog, ive been wanted to comment on NB but they go hard on the CB posts lol.
Wherever there is a problem, there is a solution nearby, most people have a bitchie days. Just gotta get over the hump and think about what you do want.
Have a great weekend
girl, we get your drift. and tactfully said might I add. 🙂 thank God you “preserved” ‘Jake’s’ livelihood. lol, i do the same thing today. won’t be play fighting anymore with my boyfriend especially after your story. i hope many of our reputations, careers etc. are as fortunate as Jake’s was.
on another note, i stumbled across this blog by accident. i can’t leave. i’m working on my own blog, i hope it’s as alluring . 🙂
i’m loving your work! Fabulous….
Yeah, you have to be really careful who you share your life with because it may be used against you in the end. However, for me, it does come to that point of confusion with who is real and who is fake, but in the end, I think you will know who will be there for you. If you look up and those folks are there through the good, the bad and the in-between, then you know your relationships are not conditional.
Hope i didn’t go off topic.
Peace
I love your site necole! this is my first time posting and you are right about not sharing your life with everyone cause everyone around you does not have good intentions. some people just want to hear negative stuff about you because they are jealous of you and want to find a way to bring you down.It took me awhile to figure that out that’s why i’m real selective about the company i keep!
I agree with you, Nicole. I’ve definitely been there before. I was in a longterm relationship where I thought that I run things and can push the buttons. Of course, when things didn’t go my way, I would get very aggressive and try to push his buttons. Even when I found numbers on him or when he was cheating on me, I felt like I had the right to rough him up but he dare not hit me back. There is only so much a guy will take when you initiate the “abuse” and get all in their face. Whether that means blocking his entrance or exit, pushing or shoving him, slapping him, scratching him, or even wrestling with him. He is human too until he ‘goes there’. I was also one of those girls who thought that I was just too hot and fine and every guy wanted me which is what gave me that primadonna attitude that I could treat him however…. I just knew he couldn’t resist being without me……
I definitely get the drift, Nicole. Thanks for staying real. We all know how “us” women can get and, of course, this is definitely no way in condoning domestic violence
I believe maybe your referring to the incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna. But i mean of course there is no excuse in the world for a man to lay his hands on a woman.
But i just believe there is a two-sided story to this incedent. He is young you can’t forget that. Its not to late for him. Everyone is puttin Rihanna on a platform. But until the true first source comes out. I really have nothing to say about the situation.
I’ve seen women provocting men to the point where its really stupid.
But yeah sorry to hear about the situation Nicole. Just think of it this way. You made the right choice not to see him again. Maybe he is capable of more that and you dodged a massive bullet….
Everybody says ” no man should ever put his hands on a woman” blah blah blah Honestly, It all depends for me. If you provoke ANYBODY and they hold that inside and keep trying to bite their tongue AND they telling to stop, by any means they’re going to go off on you and show you they meant what they said. If you were really taking in consideration when they said that was irritating them and they didn’t like it, then you wouldn’t have got what you deserve. I don’t feel sorry for no one who provokes anyone just because they feel like it or it’s out of spite. Other than that, Love your site 😉