Ironically, although I was very pro-love, pro-relationship back then, I did over time begin to think, ‘Maybe this love thing while I’m trying to build this empire is not for me.’ You know, that time and energy I just spent trying to make you happy, or crying over you (potential boyfriend/husband), could have went to something more productive and proactive. For instance, these 100 goals I still have yet to accomplish. [From the mind of a workaholic and over-achiever!] The good times are good and I will cherish those moments, but the bad…man, I start thinking of one thousand things I could have been doing to get to where I want to be in life during that time.
Have you ever talked to someone who told you all the things they had wanted to do in life, and when you asked, what stopped you, or what’s stopping you,’ they start the sentence with, ‘Well, I fell in love…’
um….Then what happened!!!??????
Wale’s issue is trust, my issue is that relationships take work! It’s a full-time job and a lot of times we find ourselves investing in something that we aren’t quite sure will bring us a return on our investment. It’s a gamble and all worth it for the right person. But a lot of times we know from the start, or start getting hints and signs that the person we are pursuing ain’t worth it, and that’s when it becomes counterproductive.
For love to work, there has to be sacrifices, there has to compromise and you may have to give up little pieces of things that are important to you in order for the love to grow. The thing I have always fought with before determining if a relationship was right for me was, ‘How can I gain you, without losing me?’
Dating without knowing if the final outcome is worth the time invested is scary, but how do you experience love otherwise? When it doesn’t work out, we have to just look at it as a scar earned and lesson learned…
Can I trust you with my heart?
Originally posted on Tumblr
Sadly, I completely agree with Wale right now. As beautiful as love can be if it’s not the right time it can be seriously unproductive. However, life will never present itself to be ready for love. Love is a sacrfice.. you decide when and who you want to give it up for.
@werdz, I completely agree with the fact that Life will never present itself as ready for love. I’ve been single since my high school sweetheart didn’t work out, & I would always respond to the why are you single with “I’m just not ready for love, etc” But at 29 I now believe, I will never deem myself as “ready”. I think if I wait until “ready” is here, I’ll be waiting forever.
The wrong love is counterproductive. However, if the right two people are in love they will motivate one another to better themselves. When you find the right person , you want to grow with them in all aspects of life so naturally you will b there helping one another up to reach all the pinnacles in life y’all are suppose to reach.
@Milan, I totally agree! Real love isn’t counterproductive. It grows, builds and adapts to change. Two people can change each other’s lives I’ve heard a lot of people say they wouldn’t be successful if it weren’t for their s/o….shoot,look at Michelle & Barack! The counterproductive part of a relationship is when you stifle yourself to be with that person…keep grinding towards your goals while in the relationship! Don’t get all twitterpated and start planning your life around your gf or bf just yet. Your s/o will grow with you or you’ll grow apart and then you’ll realize they aren’t the one. We all have a purpose & our lover should compliment it, not complicate it.
Sounds more selfish than productive. Some people’s purpose in life is to share themselves. the more you give, the more you relieve…spiritually
I cant say I find it counterproductive..lol. I’m not seeking it, but I am open to it if someone comes along..I guess. Im just busy and relationships require time. Currently I see taking time away from my son or my business as a sacrifice that Im not willing to make.
wow i was just thinking about this as i am sitting here the night before my paper is due ; checking my phone every 10 minutes hoping my boyfriend would text he was on his way or to see what he could be up to on these social networks, my point is i spend way to much time investing in this relationship then focusing on my masters and the work towards that. i could be dead tired and that’ll be a perfect excuse to not finish an assignment right away but let him call and i have all the energy in the world to get dolled up to spend time with him. love is a distraction a beautiful distraction but also annoying one.
I understand Wale’s point, but love can very well be the escape from the “world” that we so often seek.
No, not at all, but to a lazy person yes. If you are in love it should motivate you to do better, be better for your mate. But to a person that wants nothing they will think they’ve found love and their mate will take care of them.
Personally, I don’t think balancing love with wanting to reach your goals is counter-productive. If anything, love can give you an extra push to achieve your aspirations, assuming you’re with a person who wants to see you grow and succeed. 🙂 My partner plans on going back to school and I’m starting my own photography business, and we both agreed that we’ll support each other and at the same time, give enough room to tend to our crafts. I guess it all boils down to how much you want to commit to the relationship and the goals you have in front of you.
With the right person, they can push you and support you to fulfill your dreams and achieve your goals.
I’ve never been in love … But in life you must find balance .. Remember “all work no play …” … We all have goals in life that we never get to complete .. Wale must have been very hurt , I’ve been hurt as well but you must learn how to push the negative energy out of your life and welcome the positive .. Don’t dwell .. He sounds like the women he described in ‘diary’
Truth spoken in these comments! I found that all the relationships I’ve been in, I was always the one doing the most. At the end I just felt exhausted physically, emotionally & spiritually. And that’s a horrible feeling. Now that I’m single I made a committment to myself that in my next relationship (if it’s meant to happen) my s/o will compliment me as a person and help me to grow and become even better. 🙂
Not that I’m bitter, but I agree with him. Love doesn’t always work out the way we plan. Me personally, I don’t have the time to put in the serious effort it takes to make a relationship work. I’m building myself first.
This is complicated.
Love is so easy. No games. No scripts. Just be happy.
Pretty easy to R&B
Counterproductive!!
Necole read Money, Men and Chocolate.
Counter productive!
Love sets you in a better place unabling one to make room for greater acheivements and for the work it takes to meet your goals because you are emotionally balanced. However, lust is the enemy you wana be carefull about. When you’re drunk in lust you have nothing but that single passion driving you. As a result you loose focus not only on your goals, but on what is really important.