My mother and I were best friends…
Until the day she defined love for me.
Four months earlier, I came home from school to find a man sitting in our living room. He was tall, brown skin, hazel eyes and built like he may have played football. At first, I thought someone may have broken into our house but he looked far too comfortable on the couch. He introduced himself and I mumbled ‘Hi,’ and the silence was awkward. Then he asked me if I was in school.
‘Yea’
‘Do you want to go to college?’
hmmmm, no one has ever asked me that before. College might be nice.
Before I knew it we were having a whole discussion on college, my dreams and goals and suddenly, I hoped this was my mom’s new boyfriend. He seemed nice. Â No one ever asked me about what I wanted to do before. What I wanted to be when I grew up (well except my grandmother but she had passed away the year before), and suddenly my mind was at work thinking of all the things I could be when I graduated high school.
Yes, I want to go to college!!!!!
Later my mother came home, and sure enough, I found out it was her new boyfriend, and I was totally fine with that.
The next day I went to school and I started looking up colleges. I was excited and had something new to focus on!
But through my excitement of this new future I started planning out in my head, things got really strange at home.
It started with me constantly having dreams that I’d wake up to ‘mom’s new boyfriend’ standing over me. I would wake up in a sweat and he was gone.
The dream was recurring over a few months.
Dream.
Wake up.
He’s Gone.
I can’t be going crazy…
Then one night, it was dream. wake up. he’s not gone. he’s standing there. Beside my bed…and he’s naked.
‘Oh, shoot.’ He said, as if he somehow wandered in the wrong room on the way back from the bathroom.
And he left.
The next morning, my mother was cooking and I came out of my bedroom, wondering if I should talk about what happened the night before. Because now, I’m sure that those dreams of me thinking someone was standing over me each night were no longer dreams.
I was standing there wondering what I should say, when she stopped what she was doing, tilt her head to the side and said, ‘What happened to your night gown.’
I said, ‘What’s wrong with it’
She said it’s ripped.
I ran to a full-length mirror and looked in horror as I viewed what seemed to be a long tear down the back of my night gown. It looked as though it had been cut with a switchblade.
When did this happen? While I was sleep???
My heart dropped.
I thought about the night before.
Mom’s Boyfriend. Standing over me. Naked.
What if I didn’t wake up? What would he had done to me?
Do I tell her?
…
He came home and I didn’t tell her.
I spent the next few months fearing the worse: that one day he’d either rape me or kill me. So I started sleeping with a butcher knife under my pillow.
One night, after I grew tired of gathering a dumpster worth of contents in front of my door just before I went to sleep, I told my aunt.
And my aunt told another aunt.
And they told my mom, and a huge fight broke out. And before you know it, I had somehow caused a riff in the family.
By telling….
A day later, I found myself sitting at a stoplight in the passenger seat of my mother’s car. All of the stuff I owned was piled in the backseat and trunk. She was kicking me out. She was taking me to go live with my grandmother.
My mother used to be my best friend, someone I could tell any and everything to. While a lot of my friends had strict parents who wouldn’t let them out of eye sight after school let out, my mom was different. I told her everything. Â She gave me freedom, and in return, I showed her enough respect to not stay out late and I always notified her of my whereabouts. She didn’t really have to be strict because I was the type of kid who would rather be at home reading a book after lacrosse and field hockey practice than I would roaming the streets.
But that woman, sitting beside me, at that moment, I didn’t know. She was a stranger to me.
And so I had to ask while sobbing, ‘I just don’t understand why you would kick me out of the house over some guy.’
And her response was:
‘You’ll never understand.’
She added:
‘Until you fall in love.’
Those seven words destroyed me.
At 16 years old, love was defined in the most distorted way possible.
Love will make you lose yourself.
Love will make you turn your back on your family and friends.
Love will make you turn your back on your only child.
And from there I decided, Â ‘I will never, ever fall in love.’
After that conversation, I spent a decade running from love like it was the plaque. A fast moving train, that once it crashed into me, I’d die on impact.
Boys. They’d show interest but realized all too soon, the wall was far too thick to climb.
Many would be up for the challenge at first, only to give up to pursue something a lot easier later on.
And I was fine with that.
My heart was numb and I couldn’t feel anything. Actually I refused to feel anything.
What made matters worse was that I did go to college (partially to escape the madness at home after I decided to move back in)…and in my last semester of school, I found out my mother only had two weeks to live.
I rushed home, and of course the guy…he was nowhere to be found.
I spent the next two weeks by my mom’s side, feeling hurt that a guy came into her life and snatched her away from me.  He stole years from me. Years we could have spent creating mother/daughter memories.  It was only recently that my mother and I had started talking on the phone again every day. And she was now gone. Because of him, I may not have been there for her when she needed me most. When she found out that she had cancer and needed someone. When he left…
At the funeral, I constantly looked around, wondering if he’d show up. Clearly, if you loved her, you’d show up to pay your respect. Right?
But he was nowhere in sight.
He didn’t show.
And that made me angry…
I tell this story because, up until a few years ago, I lived a very loveless life. Â A life that didn’t allow me to get close to anyone. I knew how to like…and I knew how to care deeply for people. But Love?
Love brought me the greatest type of fear. And I’ve spent my life running…
I’ve moved so many times and to so many states because it felt safer than staying in one city and nurturing personal relationships. Because I was scared of people either hurting me …or leaving me. It feels so much better when you are the first to go, versus being left.
But I soon realized that a life without love, is no life at all. I had to open up my heart and be brave. Â I had to stop running.
No matter how hard you work, how many accolades you pile up on the mantel, how many places you travel, how much money you make, if you refuse to experience love, there will always be an emptiness that can’t be filled. Love is like the fuel needed to keep your car running. You have to keep filling up the tank, or you will eventually run out of gas.
But you also have to make sure you are getting the right type of love. That love, my mom was talking about that day in the car, that was comparable to putting some old diluted, watered-down gas in a luxury vehicle that only runs on premium. If you keep filling your vehicle’s tank up with regular gas when premium is recommended, you may damage the car. The same can be said for love. You will become damaged if you keep filling your love tank up with the wrong type of love.
But how do you know when it’s right?
And when to fight for it?
To love, you have to be willing to collide with the weakest parts of yourself – Will Smith
Back in March, I was forced to face my truths during an interview with singer August Alsina. He unintentionally made me relive the memories I wanted to forget when he told a story that was all too familiar. When I asked about his relationship with his mother, he said:
My mama been with my step dad since I was one years old. My stepdad is addicted to drugs, still is, and always have been battling this problem. Me, as a son and a man, nobody wanna see their mom go through that at all. What I feel like is, he kind of took her life away from her because sheâs so focused on what heâs doing. I think itâs unfair because everybody in the world got dreams. I know my mama got or had dreams. My mom is like 50 now, so I love her. I donât have a choice but to love her because thatâs my mama.
Later, in the interview, I asked if he had been in love and he said ‘Yes’.
Was that real love?
I believe it was. Nobody else has showed me what real real love would be so what I experienced, I believe was love.
And what did you experience?
Caring about someone more than I cared about myself.
‘If my mother hasn’t taught me anything else, she taught me how to love.’
‘How did she do that?
‘Just by loving someone more than she loved herself.’
I had to let that marinate…
(to be continued)
Necole! You are my soul sister! I see a lot of me in you and I know that blog was hard for you…being vulnerable. Your story was inspiring and it will help me tear down my own walls. Thank you ;).
Wow Necole, you just make a grown man cry. Beautiful read!
That was refreshingly vulnerable. Thanks for sharing Necole!
Necole, I feel your pain. I have a cousin my age who went through something kind of similar. She was raped by her mother’s boyfriend and because she told someone her mother began treating her so bad. To this day she treats her daughter as if she stole her man. As a result my cousin just does not know how to be with people. Especially men. She will not get close to anyone unless she knows that she can use them for something. It’s sad.
Deep… love it and you!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing
Tears! This just touched my soul!
Beautiful and touching.
This was beautiful i am so happy i stumbled upon your blog years ago.. The things you speak on always hit home for me in so many ways. Please continue to write and be a great inspiration to all of us young women.. Thank you for this…
Damn this is so deep & this is why I love your personal blog (like seriously you need to write a book lol)! Thanks for sharing, I know plenty of people that might relate to this…
Thank you for sharing your truth. So many people go through life and we carry things from our past to our NOW. I have to say I do the same thing with not wanting to get attached to people. So we sub consciously push it away. Once we realize what LOVE really is it’s a beautiful thing. Your past has helped create you to be one of the most beautiful and powerful women in our generation. You had all the odds stacked up against you and you tore them down time and time again. I hope we can all learn from this. We as women especially African American women go through so much, but to be able to recognize what has damaged us and be willing to change to me that’s the most important lesson of all. Peace and blessings đ
As a mother of two young daughters i make it a point to shower them with love and to be a sound support system that they can depend and rely on, because of situations like this. it is so unfortunate that some mothers would choose anything (be it addiction, men or religion) over their children, the person they spent 9 months making and gave life too. Me and my mother never had a good relationship, some of her decisions till this day i don’t understand and frankly have stop trying to understand, but its very nice you and your mother were able to have some precious moments after.
What a great read!
It read like the beginning of a great book from the 90’s. Very E Lynn Harris/Eric Jerome Dickey/Shaneska Jackson.
Thank you.
Wow…
Ma….this is good.
This was really good and personal! I like it.
Great post.
Powerful, thanks for sharing!
Love it!
You are appreciated
This..was very personal and brave of you to share. Thank you for your honesty! I salute you . I lost my father at the age of two. I guess I have abandonment issues as well because I think I want love, but I’m afraid it will hurt or I’ll be disappointed so I figure why bother. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
Powerful. What speaks to me is that you were able to set aside your hurt to attend your mothers funeral and be by her side when she didn’t do that for you. As someone who has experienced sexual abuse I recognize the same strength in you that I see in myself. You’re strong Nicole and a warrior. You’re here for a reason. I don’t know what to say except I’m proud of your strength and ability to recognize the wall you put up. I don’t know you personally but thank you for sharing this story.
Seriously you should think about writing a book to release next year
Awesome read
Wowwww nicole…Thank You so much For This I’m sure YOU TOUCHED Some SOULS w this One….&if not You REACHED MY GUTS!!!#power#Volume#queen…..
Wow!!!
hi necole-thanks for sharing your story. i know that you believe in the LOA so i hope that this message is taken the right way. sometimes our parents dont know any better because of their upbringing and its just passed down from generation to generation. my mom said something similar while married to my stepfather as he and I didnt get along very well and she was not willing to let me or anything else stand in the way or their marriage. even though they are divorced now, sometimes her words replay in my mind but i choose to forgive her for saying those negative things. i hope that you wont let those memories hold you back from getting the love you deserve. sometimes its best to address it then forget those negative memories in order to move on and heal. god bless.
Thank you Necole. I am short of words. *tears*
More reality… Less celebrity.
Wow!, the courage that it must have taken to share this story. And the way you translated a tragedy so eloquently was amazing (well written). I am holding back tears at my desk. Thank you for sharing this! Definitely touched my heart. We are all struggling in some way or another to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to love.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story !
What a beautiful piece. It definitely hits home. Keep sharing your personal blog posts. As your friend said, you never know who its touching and giving hope to!
Similar situation!! Feelings are mutual!
Necole, I love this!! I look forward to more of your personal posts đ
P.S. Your friend was right. This is still touching no matter how many times I’ve read it.
P.S.S. Mr. August Alsina is the truth. You can’t help but appreciate his honesty.
THANK YOU! All that needs to be said. This was such an inspiring and empowering writing. Just….THANK YOU!
amazing! I’m going through things now with a boyfriend and I feel like I’m doing this to my son! What a great story, Necole! I have been a reader for years and I always wondered why we never got a glimpse of your “love” life! xoxxo LOVE & blessings to you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a similar story (which I told my mom immediately) also being an only child. She put him out for a few weeks. I was twelve when it happened, turning thirty in a few weeks, and she is still married to him. I use to be so angry with her, but came to the conclusion “mama has to have love too”. I know what love is because I am love and what was done to us is not our burden it is theirs. I am love and I am caring even to those who have hurt me. That does not mean I deal with them. People are people I give them the benefit of the doubt, but just like “mama, mom, mommy” they’re just people with titles who served their purpose. <3
Those were positive words and that was beautifully worded (Necole & Moonchild). its so easy to put people on pedestals, but they’re just like what you said, they are people. No one is perfect so who are we to judge when we have faults of our own? But the pain of life still hurts, so its much easier said than done. I still have a lot of work to do myself, working on forgiving others – but it seems so much harder working on momma issues, because we except our mothers of all people to be the ones in our corners to ride and die for us. I’m not quite sure on how to fix these childhood issues, but seeing that there’s other people like me out there definitely makes me feel better.
Thank you so much for posting this, but now that the issue is brought up please do continue to post on how to heal these wounds. I cant die alone or as a cat lady…I’m allergic to cats đ
Thank you for opening up Necole. You’re right, you rarely do, and even that can be translated as cloudy and subliminal. For instance, there is more to your story, but the door is piled shut (much like you said earlier).
You took a chance today and your story resonated! – I truly hope you know how powerful and fearless you are. Thank you for being you, in return, you’re helping me find….. Me.
Monique
Necole…that touched me deep and bring up feeling and memories of my own mother/daughter relationship that I don’t want to remember…but need to face….thank you….
Wow!!! Very deep, very emotional and at the same time healing. I can identify with this post in so many ways. Thanks for sharing this.
God Bless you â¤ď¸
I’m not one to leave comments anywhere, but I could not stop myself from saying thank you Nicole for sharing ur amazing story of resilliance and hardship, the relationship between a mother and daughter is probably one of the most important one that you will have, but also knowing the importance of understanding everybody’s flaws, and how this should not be detriment to how you continue living your life, some people just don’t know how to express their love and this in turn shows how important self worth and self love is, becaus without it , it can even cause to lose those closest to yo
. Thanks again for sharing you story
is that the defination of real love? I dont think so. Cold play’s fix you song said “When you’re too in love to let it go, but if you never try you’ll never know..just what you’re worth”. i don’t know, im currently in a relationship with a junkie who i sometimes doubt his faithfulness & feelings for me; but i’m yet to take to my advise…
Necole, whomever suggested that you give more of your story, gave you a great suggestion. Your story is not only compelling, but VERY inspirational. I have come to your sight for the last couple of years, but it wasn’t until I heard you do an interview, (I believe last year) on radio and share some of your story did I really relate to your website. Yes, the celebrity gossip is great – but your story is life changing. I can’t tell you how many times I have repeated it, just to show that where you are, doesn’t mean that you are not heading toward greatness. You say you want to make an impact – that ‘s what YOUR story is doing making a powerful impact. My prayer is that as you are helping to heal others with your story, you are also being healed as you share a very personal aspect of you.
Necole. Thanks for sharing! I’ve been there. My mother let her boyfriend interfere with our relationship too. She changed for him. She loved us less bc she loved him so much. As a mom I can’t ever understand that. But thou sharing this will help so many others. Thanks for sharing! Xoxo
Necole, that was amazing! I’m glad you decided to share that, sometimes I feel the same way. You inspire me, I’m thinking about getting into writing. Continue to share more, it encourages girls like me and hopefully one day I can do the same.
Very brave of you Necole. It took me 22 years to really express to my mother how I’ve harbored hard feelings for her for deciding to stay married to a man who molested both of her daughters. I was twelve when it happened and moved from family member to family member house. Even years later during college i almost had a nervous breakdown bc it never goes away. A big weight was lifted after expressing myself to my mother and i was able to forgive her. I admire your strength and know that someone will benefit from your story. Much respect to you girl!
WOW! I never knew this could happen to another person. Granted I was not abandoned to that extent, but I never knew my father and the only man I ever loved eventually turned his back on me. The one thing I have learned is whenever you put your EVERYTHING into another person, you will be FAILED every time. It may sound cliche, but I tried JESUS and he worked for me đ I know I have a lot of healing and growing to do but its so empowering that we as young women can come back from that kind of emotional trauma and still stand. Its nice to escape the world of gossip and “reality” and get to the real. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thank you for the great read.. very powerful. As a single parent of three children, I have put my love life on hold for 12 years just so my kids know they are safe and loved.. It would have been nice to have a father/man in our lives but i guess my trust was eroded from childhood experiences and my first goal in life now if to keep my children safe from dangers lurking in the shadows …
I just want to say thank you!!!! You have some of the most profound blogs because they are so real and relateable. I didn’t have the same exact experiences you had, but I share the outlook and the fear. I always find pieces of myself in your words. In my head, we’re besties lol…..but thank you.
I definitely understand what you went through or are going through,I am the same way,I pushed people out of my life intentionally,I have no idea where it started. I have a wall up so high that it takes a lot for people to climb it,I only have a few friends that I can trust,even still,I have no one that I fully trust.At the end of the day,we are all a work in progress.Best wishesâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
I just want to first thank you for sharing that story. You are an inspiration if to no other TO ME..Going through a situation similar I feel your struggle but i also admire how you have over come. I never had to heart to tell anyone but I thank you for giving me courage.
I’m very touched by your story. Not that I didn’t before but this has made me have an even closer respect/ loyalty to you and your websites. What you wrote is powerful and I’m proud of you for sharing it. I’m just a stranger to you but you have been like a friend to me. I can relate to not letting love in, keeping up walls and running away from things. In my life now for the past couple years I’ve been working on all that and it’s the best thing I could of done for myself. I wish you all the best Necole… You sharing a piece of yourself helps a lot of people and you deserve all the best.
Ps. I was Very surprised to read about Lacrosse & field hockey… Two of my favorite sports. Lacrosse is part of my people and we call it the Creators game. đ
i got a little teary-eyed i wasnt expecting this. I wish i could tell my story like you. But i could related.
Very deep and beautiful. Somehow I knew the interview with August meant just as much to you as it did to him. Thanks for sharing. I actually predict you two to be together after he is polished, although I love me some him I would approve lol.
Wow so inspiring taking a horrible situation and learning from it…………..not blaming anyone but looking deep into the situation to see why that person felt or did things the way they did and making it a postive
This touched the bottom of the ocean… This is how deep this message was..
I can relate in some ways. Thanks for writing this because its something that can help someone else.
I have been fortunate enough in my life to have a mother who loved my sister and I unconditionally. But with her love for us and predators out there she never allowed herself to love another man or herself after my father. As my protector and best friend I was so happy to never have to share my mother with a man. I grew older, applied everything my mother had taught me and I found love. It wasn’t until then I realized how horrible I felt that she never had someone to love her the way he loved me. I hope we all pursue love and find it in life because we all deserve real love. That senseless decent into love that warms our hearts through pain and our bodies through storms. Thank you for sharing your story. Reading truths is like free therapy. There are so many with your story!
I would also love to see much more of these. I know we love celeb gossip. It this here is a platform for so much more. â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Wow! I never ever post on websites or blogs but I felt compelled to at the very least let you know how touching this post was.
This article is so touching and I know every women can relate to this story in some way. I must say this and please everyone take this with the most up respect for all women. These men that take from people are the scum of the earth, but this can only stop if women love themselves more! I blame the mother’s more than the men. Stop bring these losers into your loving homes around your children! And don’t ever chose no man over you children!
Necole, thank you for sharing and just always remember the beautiful memories you shared with your mom.
Nicole, it takes real courage to share with the world your thoughts and ideas…but to share YOUR story shows strength, growth, wisdom and most importantly LOVE. What you are doing by sharing your life through your blogs is not only showing everyone that is a fan of yours that you are more than just another celebrity blogger who sits behind a computer screen sharing the lives of other but never reveals anything about yourself. You are giving those that have not only possibly lived through similar experiences but those who may be currently dealing with similar situations a chance to see that they are not alone and no matter how different we may think we are, we all share similar situations. I have learned through the years that there are always going to be good & bad experiences but what we do with the lesson of those experiences is what matters most. Thank you for sharing!
Wow. That’s all i can think to say. Necole did you and mom ever get to talk about this issue before she passed? This read left me with so many questions. I applaud you and thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
Necole i remember reading a story you told about you living with your aunt and she kicked you out. That’s when you started your blogg…I have been viewing your blog since the beginning….i luv your blog. You are an awesome lady….God Bless you young lady. Your story is an inspiration.
LIFE LESSONS AND BLESSINGS!!!
#PEACELOVELIFE
Ms. Tonyea Jonz- Fresno, ca
Wow. You really should write a book. It would be a cathartic experience for you…even if you never release it, write it. I learned how to love too deeply, to give too much…too forgive the ridiculous also from my Mother. I also learned from my Father..the first man that I loved that a person can be awful, abusive, neglectful but give it some time and prayer…and things will change. As a result, I have been through two seriously abusive relationships and always seem to choose the guys who need fixing. I am using writing to face my fears and confront the little girl inside of me who needs to re-learn some things. I pray that you fall deeply in love with someone who deserves all of your awesome-ness! Peace. Love and Light to you:)
Thank you for sharing, but I don’t wish to excuse your mother’s accountability in this ordeal. When it comes down to it your mom made a choice and she chose poorly given that you were and always will be her daughter. She chose someone of poor character at that who could have put your well-being in danger so I would ultimately seek to find peace as to why she felt those were legitimate choices to make. Love is not having to choose your lover over your daughter, that is codependency and that sort of self-sabotaging behavior indicates a lack in self-love. So often we want to bash the person we chose to be with, but rarely do we look at what it is about us that makes a toxic relationship so alluring. We often don’t look because we are frightened as to what we may discover.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. All the best to you.
CEE very well said! And I agree 100%
It begins with the women making better choices. I think of Tyler Perry and his story. His Mom allowed him to believe his abuser was his dad. Even on her death bed she told Tyler he was his biological father. What is wrong with these women? Love yourself and your children more than some Da*n no good man!!!
I commend you for sharing this with the world. I work at a Juvenile Detention Center with girls who have such a distorted view on love and it’s for many reasons. Fortunately, some of us (girls) go on to make better decisions in life than others but it doesn’t change our perspective of love and what it means. When I think back on my life and my perspective on love and how it has changed over the years, I think that impacts our lives more than we’d like to admit. Much respect to you Necole. Please reconsider sharing more with us.
Love the openness about this post. I felt it was extremely touching and heartfelt, defiantly makes you sit back & reevaluate your perception of love.
Thank you for sharing this & yes you should continue not everyone wants just gossip. This was a breath of fresh air & the reason I fell in love with your site.
Amazing!!
Wow, necole This was touching, I appreciate you sharing this with us!
Terry
i loved every bit of this necole. this was so sincere, raw, and heartfelt. You told a lot of people’s stories that they’re too scared to share because someone may not even care or understand. thank you.
Thank you Necole for posting. I can relate to your story on so many levels. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing Necole!!! You’re a brave woman for that. *ehugs
This is a DOPE article!!! Life experiences can jade your mind of all kinds of things… I can relate to most of what you went thru only I never shared a word of it with anyone. I’ve just learned to deal with it, and I chose not to tell my mom certain things that took place because I didn’t want to break her heart or worry about her trying to fix something that already took place. Again thankxs for sharing this!!! Yes as readers reading your blogs we do want to hear the celebrity gossip, but we also want to here some truths and that you guys go thru the same things that we go thru because we are all human..
Thank you, Necole. I went through your entire site reading your thoughts of the day, prayers and reflective pieces. I just …
Thank you, Necole! <3 xoxo
Amazing
There is a scripture in the bible that says ” If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3; 13.
You’re a beautiful person and with a beautiful soul. Your story is very inspiring and I pray that true, real, unadulterated love finds you one day. Some people act like love isn’t everything, but it is!! It’s amazing and beautiful and we’re all very deserving of it!!
I am so sorry that happened to you.
I am in tears after reading that story. Thank You for that, I love your truth, your strength and those words. You are truly talented but more so, so raw and real!
Reading this has helped me to see myself and realize, I haven’t completely healed from my broken childhood and have no idea how to love. Thank you, Necole!
you just motivated me to do something i have been wanting to do but wasnt too sure if ill be wasting my time or not.. you are a good writer, you really should consider writing a book..
Thank you for sharing! I can relate on so many levels.
Wow Necole you should be an author and writed either an autobiography or fiction books on inner city life. I hope you share this w/ August Alsina and thank him for assisting you in i your nner discovery/revelations!
I thank u for sharing uour story, but i wish i could get to that point where u were. Im tired of love, of being played i wish i had the ability not to love (men) or give them a chance. So your story has inspired me in a different way. I wish i left love alone like u and focused on taking care of myself and branding myself. I look forward to reading more from u, there is so much more i have to learn
Lovely write up…Aww Necole I wanna hug you!!!
This touched me and it’s really got me thinking about alot of relationships I’ve had in the past… all the times i loved too hard smh
I’m sorry that happened to you, we appreciate you for opening up to us!
Thank you for that Necole….I was able to relate to some of what you shared and empathized on other sections of your story I haven’t personally experienced.
Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable.
As if I didn’t love you enough before! I really am grateful and thankful for your bravery of allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share this story, amongst many other personal things about yourself. I can relate to this situation in more ways than you know. When I 16, I was repetitively physically abused by my mother’s boyfriend who was a drug addict. He never sexually abused me but right before I started going from house to house to escape my problems at home, one day he was high and he grabbed my face with both hands forcefully kissed me in my mouth, right in front of my mother, who didn’t do a thing. I’m an only child, my mother and I had always been best friends. I had no understanding of this weak woman who had embodied my mother and was subjecting me to such harm. As a result of going from house to house I was raped by a family member, which I resent my mother for sometimes to this day. I’ve found prayer and admitting it happened helps. Ultimately, forgiving my mother too. We have a great relationship now but I can’t help but remember one of the most traumatic times of my life. Keep using this platform God has placed you on. I hope to meet you one day, you’re on my vision board. I aspire to have your work ethnic and tenacity. You have a relentless pursuit of love and success, and you inspire us all. Thank you for being you, Necole. God bless!
P.S. 1 Corinthians 13 is the real definition of love, if you ever need a reminder while you’re waiting on it to find you đ
Thank you for sharing your story. You seem so strong, but always could tell by your interviews that love was something that eluded you. Glad to see you are opening up and hopefully open to receiving the RIGHT type of love.
So brave of you to tell your story. It appreciated, as I needed it đ God Bless
This is AMAZING!! I agree with your friend. Although we love reading celebrity gossip, your personal story is what makes you, you! I know so many people who need to read your story and maybe their outlook on life and love would be altered! There’s nothing like hearing someone’s story that you relate to firsthand! It lets you know you are not alone and you can conquer and overcome just as they did!!
Wow , your purpose is clearly more than just posting blogs about celebrities,those celeb blogs just brings the people to you ,so that you will be able to bless them with your testimonies.We as people go through things for a reason and I believe it is to help the next person.August inspired you to share and you are inspiring others to share .GOD bless you and thank you
Thank you for sharing your story…it touched me in ways you can’t imagine. Love…
Hey Necole can u let readers send entries and u can share it every week/month whatever ? It feels good knowing it’s not just me.
I’m going through therapy right now and the things that occurred to me when I was a child was abuse. I visually saw domestic abuse and thought it was the norm… My mother coming home with blood in face.. My father never around always going somewhere. My father never really showed affection to me… So in an early age I used what was my strongest feature I thought .. Which was my body. I had the best body in the block I had guys beeping their horn and I got attention I never had before. I was sexually involved with so many guys that I’ve gotten three curable stds, and suffered thru something no woman should ever do… Terminating her pregnancy. People just say get over things you’ve been through in the past… But they don’t understand how a rocky foundation will never build a structural house.
Things have happened to me that no one would believe. In the black community it’s hush hush.. Don’t say nothing . Then tjey wonder why our youth can not have healthy relationships . Why our men are over here fighting and filling up jails .. Why our women are left alone to raise kids with no leader.
In an early age .. The kid picks up what is normal. My boyfriends godaughter is only 2 can associate me with him. When he comes to see her she always ask about me. When we hang out my boyfriend holds my hand , he hugs me, we showcase to her early on what love is. No abuse no yelling no rudeness. I didn’t get that growing up. I never saw my dad hold my mom, kiss her, tell her she’s beautiful.
So I never thought that was normal. But it is. I thought all the abuse was normal. We need to start from the beginning of a child’s life. We may not be able to repair our past… But we can prepare for our future.
You’re so brave to write that in a blog, and i know a lot of people will probably relate to it. I certainly can’t relate in the same way but I have experienced a parent choosing a partner over kids and it’s heartbreaking really. It has definitely made me think about when (or if) I have my own kids, I’m certainly going to put them over any man. You’ve definitely got strength, for telling the truth then and opening up about it now.
More people can relate than you realize. Thanks for Sharing!
Very nice Necole……Keep them coming!!!
Necole – I’ve read your site for years and never in my wildest would I have imagined someone so successful, beautiful and intelligent would have ever been through what I also went through as a child. And, like you, it has affected my perspective and shaped my view of the world. As a child, being molested by my brothers’ best friend, my neighbors and my mother’s church friend’s son became a noramlity. It was something I just dealt with. Because after the first time it occurred I told my mom and my brothers and no one believed me. So I believed I must have done something to cause this to happen. And that all little girls must be going through this as well. I suppressed these memories until I had my own daughter. Then every experience came back to me in a rush. No child should ever ever have to experience such a violation of their humanity and theft of their innocence. It has crippled me in some areas of my life and caused me anxiety in other areas. Reading this gives me hope that my past does not have to define me, nor should it predict my future. You are so brave to share this with your readers and you will never know how much it means to someone like me to know I am not alone. I don’t know you but I wish I did, my sister. Thank you.
Necole I thank you for sharing your story!! It is really inspiration to me and I’m sure many others!!! I pray that your heart get healed and that you will be able to love someone! May god bless you!!
why am i crying……… Thank you Necole..
I can empathize whole heartedly. I went through a similar situation with my father and my mother. I was raised by my grandmother as well. My grandmother taught me how to love. She taught me that her love for me was unconditional and that she would put my needs or wants before her own. She taught me to be strong and independent, yet still vulnerable to thought and idea that even though my parents didn’t love me enough or love me unconditionally, she did. To this day, I have no relationship with either of my parents but my love for them still stands unconditional. I’ve learned to love people even when they don’t know how to love me back. That has been a gift and a curse in life but I vowed as a child after being abandoned by my parents and molested by a family friend, that NOTHING would change how I love. I decided to just be more cautious about WHO I give that love to. I am amazed at how far you have come and how brave you are to share such a powerful story. You are an inspiration to young women from all races and walks of life. I was a early reader so I have definitely witnessed your growth in the industry and in life. I wish you ALL the best and thank you for continuing to blaze the trail for the rest of us. God Bless!
Necole,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and also thank your friend for pushing you to go back to sharing your stories – in a similar situation I have know realized I have to open up and love as well. Therefore, reading your story I understand my decision and understand i am not alone dealing with the same issues. Once again thank you.
LOVE THIS!
Necole I swear you’re a soul sister and I wouldn’t be surprised if we met in the future. Your bravery for sharing what no one would guess about you.. this is why you are head and shoulders above the others. Your blog really is somewhere we can get together and have fun and you are someone like us. You are real and I for one only want good things for you. That I sat here and read word for word and just had to reflect because I relate and feel you.
Man
You are something special. Thank you for acknowldging your demons out loud. There are our most private affairs.. so we forget others struggle too. Beautiful black woman thank you for standing up
Necole,
You are truly amazing and truly inspiring. Everyday you remind me that no matter what we face in life we have to keep going. Thank you so much for allowing us to see the ‘real’ Necole. Keep doing what you do. I love you đ
I’m just an ordinary girl who lives in Tokyo, Japan but..i just want to say thank you for being vulnerable Necole!
you made me want to be vulnerable too and just let everything out on my facebook status so all my friends can see the skeltons in my closet.
my favo quote from Ms.Oprah Winfrey;
“But in fact, she says, “No one said a word … not strangers, not even people I knew. I was shocked. Nobody treated me differently. For 20 years, I had been expecting a reaction that never came…and I soon realized that having the secret out was liberating…What I learned for sure was that holding the shame was the greatest burden of all.”
I love you Nicole! You have such a big beautiful heart, and showing the world your scar is a true sign of how much you care for others. You’ve opened up eyes and saved lives in this post. I pray for your healing and wish you continued awesomenes . Take care sis. Love and Light, Farrah
Thank you for sharing this Necole! I can relate to a lot of your story. I was sexually abused by family members when I was child. A lot of issues happened because of that. I’m still working on myself and trying to be open to love. God bless you for sharing.
Please continue. Please.
Necole, after reading your story, my heart is saddened for you. It’s a shame that your mother (May she rest in peace), put a man before you . However, at least you got to see her before she died. I understand you about opening up to love. It’s very hard, especially when you have been hurt. But we have a GOD who understands our sorrow and HE can restore what has been stolen. Thank You for sharing your story. GOD bless and much love.
WOW! That was deep. Thank you for sharing your story! Love is such a confusing and annoying but vulnerable topic.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this life wisdom! I am so grateful for your friend encouraging to repost your personal stories…this helped me realize I too have been running from love …the line “It feels so much better when you are the first to go, versus being left.” resonates w/ me.
Thank you for sharing. This is also a struggle of mine,
Hi Necole,
I am stuck reading this because it reminded me so much of me and my life. And I got choked up with tears reading this. You inspire me for making a dream happen. I was homeless and I am just getting a home for me and my son. I had mama issues but I never left my mom because I always felt I needed to protect her. I am a great writer and I would love to chat with you sometimes just about life. I know I am one person but you have made an impact on me at a crazy time in my life.
Thank you,
Mariah
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Wow, I know it was probably difficult for you to be so transparent and candid with telling your story. It was so touching and I’m sure many people including myself can relate to a lot of the things you mentioned. You are such an inspiration and I pray that God continues to bless you. Me and my sister consider you our big sis! đ #love
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I used to feel the same when I was about 14 and my mom wouldn’t want me around when her bf was there. And I would hear stories of him asking about me. I never understood this. But the reality is you can’t really date a man with a teenage girl around. Should the mother have to be lonely until her daughter moves out ? I’m 23 I never understood this logic until A guy I was talking to made a joke about my teenage sister. And it didn’t make me jealous of my sister. But I will never have her around any future bf. simple as that. You can’t know what it’s like to feel older and single and having to compete with something you can never be again: younger. I wouldn’t want to look at my sister or any man I was seeing if something happen. And that’s just honest.
This lady sounds about 10 x worst then what your mother said Necole. My mother was the type not to date anyone at all as to not have any men around me. I obviously prefer that then what could have happened to me had she had men around that weren’t good men, but I also missed out by not having an good examples of healthy men/women relationships around me.
I think women that think like this are really emotionally weak.
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Hey Big Sis, love you!
Nicole You are Correct About love and the angles that each person can see it. Also in life events those perceptions can be altered. As a child I believe I watched to many 70’s cinema and I looked at a controling man as a true man’s man! When I became a teenager that was topped with the lyrics from DeBarge love ballads… I wanted Love badly. Well, at least the type of love that I thought existed in my destiny. He would be strong, protective, with Eyes that spoke to me, and he would love me even more than himself. Now I am 40 and Have Lived a little so my perspective that used to have I no Longer See as a feasible reality. I have experienced each of those desired qualities in a mate. The outcome? Who I saw as strong was abusive. Who i saw As Protective Thought he was my daddy and tried to re-raise me. The One That Spoke to me With His Eyes was the most romantic unemployed man you would encounter. Oh, and Mr. I Was His Everything became Mr. Creepy Stalker Guy. So how do I see love now? As an emotion; and emotion alone is not a relationship.
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Necole this post spoke volumes to me ! I’ve always admired your honesty and freedom of expression. I’ve also felt like you are supposed to be my Mentor because I too have a blog. Thanks for being genuinely and unapologetically you, YOU is enough ! Lol
Your blog was dope. Very good read.
Necole, Reading your blog necolebitchie.com is my lunch time ritual. Today for some reason it would not load! So in a panic I googled your name and I am happy I did, because I stumbled across this blog. First, let me say that you are an awesome writer! Second, please keep posting these inspirational and positive posts. I say positive because I sense a young woman coming to terms with herself and her life experiences and searching for a deeper meaning to life. I am 27 years old and I feel like I am going through a similar transition (understanding myself, my purpose in life while searching for love)….
Finally on the post, it really struck a chord. I know it must have been really difficult to share this but please keep sharing because there are plenty people out there who these just help to go on…. Thank you so much for sharing. I will definitely continue reading both your blogs.
Thank you for your kind words!
I don’t have instagram,fb, I don’t do social media. You’ve planted a seed of thought in my mind of what is Love. Thank YOU for sharing something so vulnerable You’re a powerful human being!
Nichole, this was a beautiful and touching story. I love the way your honesty, and the way you express yourself. Keep on pushing my lady….
I loved this whole story and the part about filling yourself up with the right kind of love I am at a time now where I dont want to cheat my daughter so id rather put my all into her so that when shes grows up Love was our bond and nothing else got in between it. Beautiful you very much encouraged and inspired me.
Necole, what you recited was reality, warning as it probably did took a lot of courage for you to blog this. One thing about love – you can’t love correctly until you can define “who” you are. When you know you.. knowing you comes with respect, meaning. Knowing you comes from properly introducing yourself to Christ. Without God our knowledge is vacant. Getting keyed with God, God opens that door of wisdom. Wisdom comes comprehension. When you have comprehension, now you can come to knowledge of the things you knew not. When God gives the ability to love, with that ability comes sacrifice. But in this sense, sacrifice is a gain vs lost. As sacrifice in the sense turns into “standing in the gap” for that person. So, love carry’s allot of formations. But in all, love is a beautiful thing – as God is love!!
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Touched! Just wow! I’m 23 years old and I have not experience what it is to be in love with someone. Real love. And honestly, that’s one of my biggest fear, that I will not find ‘real love’ love or love will not find me. Despite my fear, i am still hopeful…