On those days you feel like giving up. Never forget your “Why”.
A year ago today I quit my celebrity gossip blog “Necole Bitchie.”
I remember it like it was yesterday. There seemed to be a huge weight that lifted off of my shoulder as I pressed ‘Publish’ on what would be my final blog post titled, ‘It’s Time For Me To Move On.’ I didn’t care if it had typos or grammatical errors, I just wanted to get it out and move on with my life.
A day later, I ran off to Mexico for a week. It was the first real vacation I was able to take unplugged. I had no idea what my life would be like when I returned. All I knew was that I had just let go a huge piece of me– A brand I built, nurtured and watch grow for 8 years.
In a weird way, I felt like I had let go of my identity.
I remember I used to tell people that I didn’t want what I did to define me, but I’ve learned over time that our jobs, and how we decide to spend a huge portion of our days and lives do define us. Despite launching a women’s lifestyle and empowerment blog months later, I considered the last 365 days of my life as a personal hiatus. A break. I needed that time off from the entertainment industry to figure out who I am stripped of a title and how I could put others on.
What is your character like Necole?
How do you love?
Are you a great friend?
Are you caring?
I had to find that out, because in the midst of rushing through 8 years of reporting celebrity gossip and mingling amongst the rich and famous, I wasn’t sure I knew.
In the midst of waking up each day and worrying about pageviews, advertising dollars, and staying current and relevant… I wasn’t sure I knew.
365 days later, I can say that I go to sleep at night at peace and I wake up happy. There is no amount of money that can buy a peace of mind. I have a stronger relationship with God, as well as my friends and family. I’ve learned how to love, be caring and compassionate. I’ve learned to be still and live in the moment.
(It’s hard to live in the moment, when you have to check emails, social media and the web every moment of the day to make sure you didn’t miss some opportunity to break news. It’s also hard to connect with people and nurture and build real relationships. Honestly, my life used to feel like a huge facade. )
My conscious is clear.
The number one question I’ve been asked over the past year is why I decided to let the site go, or why I couldn’t keep it running why I pursued other things.
When I look back, those eight years were good to me. The site allowed me the opportunity to make tons of money, work from my bed, travel the world, win numerous awards, be featured in various magazines (including my favorites Ebony Magazine and Cosmopolitan), visit The White House, go on a tour with Rihanna, be mentioned in some of my favorite TV shows and a few songs (**smile**), and be in rooms with the likes of Oprah, Ariana Huffington, and even Beyonce.
But inside I was fighting an internal battle every single day.
My overall goal in life has always been to be a source of inspiration for young women and I was having a hard time creating that legacy for myself with the platform that I had built. How could I continue to think that I was in some way adding value to the lives of my readers when my site posted about drama, celebrity beefs, divorces, break babies, fights and negativity on the regular? I can compare it to having a young child, and continuously feeding her junk that stunts her growth and maturity, versus nutrients that will help grow into a healthy adult.
I wanted my site to be the nutrients, not the junk food.
And for that reason alone, for a long time I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for what we were publishing and feeding the site’s loyal following. That guilt was making it extremely hard to embrace and enjoy success because of what that success was built off of.
I don’t feel that guilt anymore.
I sleep peacefully now that that burden is off my shoulders. I walk in rooms with more confidence. I feel empowered. I feel as though I’m contributing to the advancement of women of color in a positive way. I feel like #blackgirlmagic!
Over the last 365 days, I’ve managed to stop allowing the “what” I do to define me, and now it is the ‘why’ that I allow to drive me and my decisions with hopes that my journey will continue to be inspiring to other women trying to find their way. I’m extremely proud of the path I decided to take, and finally being able to stand for something.
I can definitely say that today.
Six months ago, when I thought I’d have to go back to sleeping on couches due to putting everything I had into this dream, I couldn’t say that. While trying to knock down doors at advertising agencies, and attempting to find a way to keep my writers paid and the content great, I couldn’t say that. In the midst of my meltdowns and the days I didn’t want to climb out of bed, I couldn’t say that.
But without risks there are no rewards. I’ll speak more on it in the coming months as I feel that we celebrate success and we show the good parts and the highlights but we tend to hide that sometimes you have to tread through hell to get to heaven.
My message to anyone who is reading this, who may be successful but feel as though they are stuck in a career they don’t love, or a situation that is unfulfilling, ask yourself, “How long will I live a life I don’t love before I take the first step towards living the life of my dreams?”
It’s important to note that when you are transitioning, you may have to sacrifice and give up a few material things and the lifestyle you are accustomed to. If you quit your job, 99% of the time, you won’t be living the life of your dreams tomorrow. It definitely takes time, persistence, resilience and work to get to where you want to be.
But please believe, any losses will only be temporary, and those things will come back tenfold in due time.
I remind myself of that every day.
Those losses will eventually turn to wins.
It isn’t supposed to be easy.
If it was easy, everyone would be living the life of their dreams.
And everyone would be successful.
Those spots at the head of the table are reserved for those who take risks and who also sacrifice their lives for a purpose greater than themselves. It took me a long time to realize that.
Maybe too long but my path is a little clearer.
With that being said, stay inspired and never give up on your dream.
Thank you everyone for your continuous love and support. I am in tears daily by your kind words, and encouragement and I keep them in a praise folder so that I never forget my “Why”: 💕
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It’s notes like these that remind me of why I continue to do what I do.
Wishing you lots of light and love!
Originally posted on Instagram
You’re such an inspiration! ❤️ I love the switch up. Peace and Blessings.
Love it
Xoxo! I love it necole,
Keep elevating virgo sister.
And I still don’t see a celebrity blog as good as yours was!!!
Good job necole
Congratulations! Your courage is inspiring.
Deeply encouraged. Thank you
Can’t believe it’s been a year! Thank you for making that transition. Thank you for the inspiration. I love xoNecole.
You’re awesome!
Amen…
I was bummed with you said you were. But xoNecole is amazing you have articles for everything I’m going through and more!! I check everyday for content!
Love this even better
And been rocking with you ever since you had that blog way before the site upgrade too.
Still here.
Wow I remember when I read the article that you were starting your new endeavor. That time stood out for me because I’d left a job also because I felt completely unfulfilled and I was tired of that day to day feeling. Thank you for sharing your truth! I look forward to all of the amazing content that you and your staff will be sending forth to the world! I am still finding my way to my true passion and my next steps. This article made me take a good look at why I have been afraid to take more risks and why I am not living my truth and my passion. What stood out most is your statement “How long will I live a life I don’t love before I take the first step towards living the life of my dreams?” Thank you for feeding me real healthy food and causing me to think outside of my current circumstances!
So proud of you!
I am a young girl and I started reading on your website at the beginning of my teenage years. When I saw that you changed your website from something negative to positive without it getting boring in any way, and actually becoming more interesting because of the relative, uplifting, educational, and inspiring posts, I fell in love. Continue to do what you do, you’ve inspired me to chase my dreams no matter how hard it may be and I’ve learned so many things already from your website that i constantly share wth others!
Love this! Congrats to you!
Necole so it’s been a year since you broke my heart???? I really don’t know how i have survived tbh! I have happy that you followed your dream. Lol but since you left i have been so lost when it comes to celebrity gist. I find out things months after it happens. Take Ciara for example. I didn’t even know she was engaged then yesterday I see her marriage pics!!! My mom is more “current” than me now. I miss the “stanwars” but mostly I missed reading the comments of educated African American women and am Nigerian!!! It was refreshing to see that the smart women unlike that “ghetto and ignorant can’t-keep-a-man-multiply-time-babymama” image the media feeds us. Can anyone suggest a site similar to this where I can get “black Caleb” gossip? I have enews for “Hollywood” gossip.
Thank you Necole for uplifting your audience. Forcing us to see that there is more to life than gossip and entertainment news. Upgrading us from trash to class. The articles are inspiring and true eye openers. I love the evolution and haven’t missed necolebitchie at all. Thank you for sharing your journey and making us a part of it. You took a risk to lead by example. I hope many will follow. xoNecole will definitely contribute. Lots of love from Holland <3
I can’t even express how much xoNecole.com has helped me through some of those growing pains as a young woman. I loved NecoleBitchie, but I appreciate xo so much more. I hope to one day get the courage to write some pieces and have them featured on the site, but for now I’m content with finding advice within the archives of your site. It’s truly like having a mother, auntie, gram, BFF, big sis wrapped up into one. Thank you, you’re an inspiration!
Thank you so much, you don’t know how much this message means!
Can’t believe it’s only been a year … I miss that site
Love to you Necole and XO team. Keep up the phenomenal work!
Great read.
Necole, this is truly content that feeds the soul. This post was truly confirmation for me. I thank you and wish you continued success! #BossMoves
LOVED THIS
On those days, you feel like giving up. Never forget your ‘Why’.
I visited your old site but I love this one so much better. It so much great content to empower and inspire. Keep it going and praying you receive even more blessings and opportunities.
You made a wonderful decision. I am so happy you got out of the gossip blogging industry because it is draining to chase celebrities and get the tea and dirt on them. Of course that’s where the money is and people are quick to read into that…but so happy your positive lifestyle blog is still thriving and you can be true to who you are.
From one fellow blogger to another I am proud of you! Keep growing and evolving!
So proud of you & the change. I was a reader on occasion but I’ve really enjoyed your changes over the past yr.
These words in this article were exactly what I needed…thank you so much for being so transparent.
You go girl!
Thank you for sharing your testimony. I quit trying to be a part of the mainstream music industry and decided to follow my calling of speaking to and advocating for youth. My mission is to empower young people to stop living for just for “fame” or VIP status and recognize that there is already a VIP within them. Please read my story & share my mission (www.vipmovement.org) with any organizations looking for a speaker who can reach the hardest of the hardest youth. Thank you!
The key is to not become a slave to those things that are leaving you unfulfilled. I needed to see those words to confirm that I am making the right decision to pursue my dreams!
I was the saddest person in the world when you quit NB because I followed it all throughout high school. Even though it was a celebrity gossip blog it was the most respectable one and I loved the articles about positive things and appreciated that you took your time to get facts. But I totally understood and now as an adult XO is really helping me understand life and myself better. I feel like this is more of a soul sister blog haha. And everyone who knows me knows that I swore you were my soul sister anyways
I so needed to read this today. And everyday until I don’t need to anymore.
This was a good article. Can’t wait until my transition is over.
Such an inspiration! Im glad that your spirit is free. I love the infectious energy i felt while reading this! Keep shining
I loved reading this! Thank you so much for being transparent! Inspiring!
AMEN AMEN AMEN WAY TO GO YOUNG LADY I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS AND GROW YOU. RISE LADY RISE!!!!! <3
I read this ❤️
And thinking about quitting job and doing something I’m passionate about..
You have been such an inspiration to me through your transition. So much so I am finally making steps to proceed with my transition!
Love it! Truly inspiring !
A magazine with all these pictures and articles would be nice–
Thank you Necole! I never get emails from you. It’s crazy that today I was really going through it. With my career my relationships my identity! I was ready to give up. I flopped down and am email came through… from you. It lead me to this post and I’m SOOOO grateful for it. It reminded me that you have to always be positive and put your best foot forward because you never know what type of impact you may have. So thank you Necole for being an inspiration and being her for our women. You are black magic! We are black magic! Thank you thank you. I love all of you ladies. Please continue to encourage and support one another.
Necole you inspire me to be better. I used to get gratification off of celebrity misfortunes because I thought that normalised then but the truth of the matter is that I was allowing myself to voluntarily drift towards negativity. I was in a bad space and it clearly showed by the things I gravitated towards one of which was the old site. Like you I too am in a journey of self discovery, self love, encouraging woman of color and falling deeply in love with God. People might never understand this new journey but like you said, you’ve got to continue at it. Continue until it becomes you. I salute and support you and hope we can work together in the future.
Love always
Sanelisiwe Khuluse – Johannesburg South Africa
I thought i loved Nicole Bitche until I met XO Nicole!!! I love the new positive platform the decision to spread love! Congrats on living out your dream!!
-xoxo Jojo
Thank you for the inspiration over the years. I admire the change you have made because it gives a lot of us the courage to take a leap of faith and get into what we really want to do with our lives. It’s so easy to get consumed with everyday life, especially when the funds pay for the lifestyle we want. However, we are not internally happy. I am so excited for your journey and I am glad you are transparent about your change. Thanks again.
Jamie