Necole: First, let me say that I am a female that doesn’t give herself up too easily.  I’m not interested in sleeping around or having sex with someone that I am not seriously committed to. One thing that I have noticed over the years is that I’ve met some pretty good guys that have treated me with nothing but the utmost respect but, I also keep hearing these insane stories from various women about how they are dogged out and mistreated by these guys and I’m wondering why I haven’t experienced that. So now, I’m starting to associate me not having sex with the guys I am just ‘casually dating,’ with me getting treated with a higher level of respect.  It’s almost like I’ve started to believe that I hold the ‘power’ until I give myself up and for that reason alone, it makes me not want to sleep with anyone. So the dilemma comes when I find someone that I connect with, we spend a lot of time together,  and he treats me right, however, months upon months will go by and we aren’t being intimate because in my mind, as soon as we become intimate, his attitude will change a bit and things will go down hill. Then, I will become one of those other girls.
Should I just reap the rewards of being that ‘prize’ that hasn’t given herself up, or do I finally one day give in when I find the right guy? How do I know that it won’t change things?
Rob Hill Sr.: How do you know that it won’t change things? You don’t! There’s no perfect science to say that if you do ‘this,’ things will change and if you do ‘that,’ things won’t. You do hold “power” but it’s not in your pants, it’s in your behavior. Real men naturally respond to challenges, so if you can keep his attention for months upon months, he’s not just there for the sex. Now naturally, a man will want sex, it’s in our makeup, but smart women with substance have a way of making that seem like nothing more than icing on the cake. Holding out gives the man a chance to notice more, and it also naturally cuts off the weak candidates.
I don’t believe sex changes things, but I do believe it exposes some stuff, especially when you do it too soon. That’s why I always say people know sex, but they don’t understand intimacy/romance. The problem for most women is, they just don’t trust their ability to pick the right ones. Women beat themselves up with their own mistakes and with the mistakes of their friends. They remember the liar, the player, the one who wouldn’t commit to their friend and they trap themselves in thought. You have to believe that you’ve taken the time to get to know this guy, be confident that he’s worth the experience, and trust that if things change, it won’t be because of sex, it will be because he just wasn’t the right one for you.
Necole:  You just confirmed that I over-analyze everything. Like in a way, I’m associating me not having sex right away with the guys I date with them treating me great and how I should be treated, when really they could be treating me that way because they respect me as a person. As a woman, you kind of have to command respect, and I do, and really it may not have anything to do with me not being in a rush to give myself up sexually..maybe it could be. Who knows?
Rob Hill Sr.:  There are rewards to being patient. It all depends on the type of woman you are and the type of man you want. But it’s not ALL about the sex, I’m not saying get it in on the first date, but I am saying, intimacy should be natural and you should trust yourself enough to open up when the time is right. It’s the girls who ONLY have pretty faces or nice bodies that have to give it up soon, for them sex is the only way they can connect.
Personally, I’ve built great relationships with women who have given it up soon and great ones with ones who’ve made me wait. Both showed me that they had so much more to offer aside from the physical. But honestly, the woman who waits is usually the woman who wins, she’ll take the time to build something real.
Necole: It’s interesting that I’ve literally fell in love with guys I haven’t slept with because our connection has been far deeper than lust. Subtracting sex from the equation has given me more time to get to know them as a person, and real insight into what their spirit is like. What their real character and soul is like.
Rob Hill Sr.: I believe you’re treated the way you are because of who you are. Certain women just command a certain level of respect and it’s easy to tell the difference between the ones that do and the ones that don’t. I think the confusion comes from trying to balance what you know from your experience with what other women expect from theirs. What works for you, won’t always work for them and vice versa. Most women these days could care less what a man’s spirit is like,  but you’re looking for something deeper so the usual dating timeline won’t work for you. The fact that you can build a connection outside of sex is a gift, most don’t know how to do that.
 Necole: Thanks for the insight Rob!