My friends and I have some deep conversations over email and text and sometimes I share them through a series I’ve titled, Conversations with Friends. The latest installment is from an email exchange I had early last year with a friend just moments after I watched a video called ‘Inspiring Words from Oprah‘ on YouTube.
Just a little back story: I normally spend my entire Sunday watching speeches or reading books from people I look up to, and this particular Sunday was “Oprah Sunday.” My friends do the same so we normally hit each other up over email and talk about what we just watched or read and it turns into a full on discussion.
______________________Beginning of exchange
Necole: So you know I love Oprah right? I’ve been watching her interviews all day and I just found this video. Amazing!
Friend: I can watch that clip and apply it to so much that I want to accomplish in life but I know there are so many people that just can’t relate to Oprah’s story. They don’t remember her background. In watching those clips, all you see is this lady crying and having God felt revelations about a movie role. Rich people problems. It takes a lot to see that it took time for Oprah to overcome her past, and learn not to live with a small mind, and to dream big. To bring love and encouragement and positivity into her life, so getting a particular movie role was her biggest concern in life at the time.
Have you ever had a cry fest where you had to surrender to the lord?
Necole: I believe she has the most incredible story on earth. She overcame almost every obstacle a young, poor black girl can have coming from a small town in Mississippi, getting pregnant in high school, not being the standard of beauty in a fickle industry. I believe she spent so much time talking about the role in the Color Purple because she felt that that book represented her story and it was in her destiny to be a part of it.
What made Oprah great was that she loved to read books! Books expanded her mind past the difficulties and obstacles she was dealt with daily and let her know that there was something far bigger out there than what the people in her small town were being exposed to. Nowadays people don’t value reading and their world is limited to their workspace, what they watch on television, their social networks, and the blogs and news sites they read. I’ve had so many people tell me that they don’t have time to read books. A male friend of mine told me that he didn’t have time to read so many times this year, however, last night, I went to his house and he had read like 5 books since I last saw him. He said that reading books made him feel a lot more intelligent, knowledgeable and it was making him a better writer. Now, when we see each other, we discuss the latest book we’ve read. I feel like that doesn’t happen too often, but it should.
But I say all this to say, I agree that young girls may watch that video of Oprah and think “rich people problems,” and it’s kind of sad. I also think that is why it is so important for me to be more vocal this year and expose my audience to different things because they don’t look at me as someone who is super rich. They may look at me as a successful person but I am also someone that they can still relate to. What I have is definitely attainable. When I started my website, I had no place to live and no extraordinary talent, but I had a computer and access to the internet. Everyone has that.
I know I can achieve the same things in life that Oprah, Richard Branson, Ryan Seacrest and other business moguls I look up to have, but they are better communicators than I am. But anyone can be an incredible communicator if they work hard at it, take classes, continue to practice speaking in front of people, get some vocal lessons to work on their diction, join toastmasters and focus on being one of the best.
Friend: I don’t think its sad if a young girl can’t relate to Oprah’s story. For instance, a 12-year-old girl. In the last 12 years of her life there was probably never a time she heard Oprah’s story, so she just doesn’t know. That 12 year old child has just watched Kim Kardashian’s family come out of nowhere and make it. So, she looks up to Kim K and her sisters because she feels that she can relate to them. It takes someone like Necole Bitchie, someone’s story she has heard, to bring to light what is so amazing about Oprah’s story. You used to be that 12 year old who didn’t know Oprah’s struggle, but you have grown your mind so much through books that you can relate to so many different kinds of people. You get to be a young girl’s Oprah. Open their minds to new concepts and ways of thinking. That’s a blessing.
And FYI Oprah communicates with her voice. You communicate with words on a computer screen and are able to connect with people in that way. I know what you meant by that statement saying Oprah communicates better, But please don’t diminish your accomplishment of being able to connect with millions from behind a computer screen. I know verbal communication is a huge goal for you and I hope you achieve it, but you have done wonders with just words on a computer screen.
Necole: When I was 16, I said I wanted to be a motivational speaker and that’s when I first came across Oprah’s story and was inspired by her. I think at that time, she was going from city to city on some motivational tour and the tickets were selling out like hotcakes. I saw it on a Baltimore news station. All these women were so excited about hearing her speak. I remember saying, “Wow! I want to one day touch people in that way.” Unfortunately, I didn’t know until my first week attending college that I was a horrible speaker who used words like belk instead of belt, said hice, instead of house and so on. I was teased for the way I spoke and people thought I was illiterate. I was devastated and it made me shut down!
I remember going through the school’s catalog and instead of picking out a major that had speech courses that would help me, I picked the only major in the book that didn’t have a speech class requirement to graduate, and that was computer science. Instead of letting doubters fuel me, I let those people shut down my dream. They stole my voice! They stole my dream. That’s what people do.
I told myself I couldn’t accomplish my dream because they told me I couldn’t. I thought about this a year or two after I created my website and realized that the dream I had was still attainable. This time, I was speaking to people though my blogs. When I went on the Female Success Factor Tour in 2008, I felt so empowered knowing that I only had 10 minutes to speak to people and I touched them. I said, “Wow, this is all coming back around full circle.”
In 2010, I finally found a speech and diction coach but I still remember the taunts and being teased which makes me shut down when it’s time for me to speak in front of people. I’m a work in progress.
Every day, someone is told that they can’t do something and their dream is snatched away from them by doubters. A dream deferred. We have to help them get their dreams back. Instill in young girls that they can be and do anything.
One of my favorite quotes is from the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness:
Don’t ever let somebody tell you you can’t do something. You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.
_________________________________________ End of exchange.
Earlier this year, I was in a rut after realizing that over the last two years, I had been at a standstill, I wasn’t evolving the way I would have liked and I had lost passion for what I was doing. I had let all of the “no’s” I was getting on a weekly basis discourage me from the bigger goals I had set for myself and I was feeling like I was right back at the young woman in college who was having her dream snatched from her once again. During that time, I started a book club and invited girls to read the book, “The Dream Giver” with me and something very special happened during that time. I got my dream back.
And I found this email exchange right on time. It was a reminder that I had so much more to do.
Part 2 Coming soon.
Hi Necole?? Do you just find these videos on YouTube?
Never mind, reading is fundamental. 😉
@Kyra, Ha! No problem!
@Kyra! It depends on what I am trying to find. For instance, I’ll use the search option to find interviews and speeches that are by the people I look up to.
Thanks! Necole, this is so timely..thought about the same thing today!!!!
I’m on necolebitchie daily yet I always forget this site.. I find you to be so inspirational! I love how there’s so much more to you than just the gossip blog, I love to see that you have a bigger dream to achieve and that you put in effort to show that there’s so much more than the superficiality of a gossip blog, that there’s more to you as a person…You have a story to tell and I respect that!
Hope you achieve all of your dreams!
Even though I’m fearful, you’ve inspired me =)
xXx
great job lady been following you from years. p.s. glad you didn’t appear on gossip game. can relate to your back story and your come up.
Thank you for sharing this! You are my inspiration to bring my blog/business to another level. I would really love to interview you for my blog, I DEFINE {success}! I believe you represent what my brand stands for. Hope to hear from you soon.
Great post Necole! You are a true motivation & inspire just like Oprah. Oprah story is relatable to young girls & women now but they focused on the wrong things. I tend to spend my time watching videos & reading books. My friend says I have so much knowledge & I simple want to say because I have open my mind & life to it! A year ago when I was living in Atlanta I lost my dear. Moved back still didnt have til I decided to full commit to getting the best life possible. Everyday I am pushing towards new goals.
Have you read Write It Down Make it Happen? That book has really helped me. I was writing but not focusing on committing to my plans.
I wish you so much success! Keep being open & honest. There is a reason you are relatable and people hate. God has a purpose for your life. Your light has been shining for years and the people who tried & said no to you knew that. God has something way better in store just watch. I believe in it for you!
Thank you for writing this Necole. This is a great piece of encouragement to read during a time right now where nearly everything seems to be working against me.
I hope you write part 2 very soon. Thanks again.
That was so honest and heartfelt. You are a great communicator Necole. I HATE gossip and gossip sites. I don’t buy or read the magazines or watch the gossip on tv BUT I follow you on twitter and read your blog posts. Why? Because you have so much to say that’s NOT negative and also entertaining and informative. You provide a different way of thinking of things and makes the reader questions previous assumptions. You ARE a great communicator. NEVER say you aren’t again. That was the old you. Words are powerful; we must always use them to affirm ourselves.
I attended Med School in the Caribbean and 40% of all exams were orals. You had to speak and present patients and be interrogated by the faculty. I HATED it! I would get all sweaty and twist my words and sound like a fool! I got by because my professors knew I “had a problem communicating.” I got by until one day I FAILED; not because I messed up on my exam but because I froze in the oral. It put me back a year and made me realize how my lack of confidence could and was holding me back. I decided then and there that I WAS great at orals and an incredible public speaker. I passed my oral with flying colors and the confidence gained has never left. I give presentations all the time now and I’m always complimented on my public speaking.
You are a great communicator and I can’t wait to buy my ticket to your first speech. Your story motivated me the first time I read it and prompted me to follow you and support you whenever I can. You are such an inspiration. Please don’t waste time holding yourself back. thanks for being in the world and spreading your wonderful message.
I loved your article/post/story. I too have been where you are and kind of in a standstill time in my life on the career search Hearing “no’s” really do deter a determined spirit, but I had a talk with my mom and cousin to realize that what’s meant for me will be for me and that’s something no one can take away. Your story was very inspiring in the aspect that you now dedicate days to get guidance and inspiration from those you look up to and just that you had the courage to start something that was fairly new and now EVERYONE has a blog, that’s something big. Please continue to pursue your dreams and give back to those who follow you through words of encouragement and through your story, not only the good side, but the not-so-good that reminds people that you are still human. I can’t wait to read pt 2. And that is my FAVORITE quote from The Pursuit of Happyness…i watch that movie over and over like I’ve never seen it, because it’s so powerful. Be blessed! Much love!
Hey Necole!
You always give great advice about following your dreams and putting in the work to realize them. I usually prefer reading over watching videos so I was wondering if you could reccomend or make a post on some of your favorite books for inspiration and guidance?
“They stole my voice! They stole my dream. That’s what people do.”
I so feel your angst. People have a funny way of stealing from others what matters most. This reminds me of something I heard Maya Angelou say on Oprah’s Masterclass. “I found I had left my voice, my voice hadn’t left me.”
Necole, I believe this is what happened to you. Though under different circumstances, you both hid your voice because of what someone had done to you. For a period of time you allowed what people thought of you to hide your voice, to hide who you were. If only they knew they were only making you better. They gave you time to nurture and cultivate your voice and develop it until a time when it would be needed most. Your voice can now be used to release others who went through similar situations, those who may be afraid to use their voice for whatever reasons.
Your voice and dream was preserved for such a time as this.
May you continue to inspire, motivate, and encourage others.
Hello Necole,
I was just saying to my brother earlier today how as a little girl I collected many books but never fully read any of them- and I regret it so much. Ever since I read your story and how the “law of attraction” has helped you attain many of your goals, it’s changed my life. Every time I need a little uplifting or motivation, so to speak, I always refer back to this sight and that story. In fact, I have it as a book mark on my phone. Anyway, I’m writing to let you know while you look you up to people like Will Smith and Oprah Winfrey, I look up to people like YOU. Because you’re someone I could relate to and someone I’ve watched thrive and become successful. Thank you for everything. You’re friend is right, while you may not be on stage speaking in front of many of people, you still inspire young women like me with your words on the computer screen. Continue to persevere
Best wishes,
Isabelle
Great Post
Necole we all need to hear about successes everywhere we can to stay motivated and inspired to reach our own goals. This post was a great example of just that! …and I love the book THE DREAM GIVER my mom gave it to me when I was really young and i have read it tons of times to keep me going.
Peace Love
A
iZbyA.com
OMG! Necole, I don’t know how long I have been reading your blog now, it’s been a while. I like your NecoleBitchie entertainment blog, but I actually find myself reading Iamnecole blog even more. I just like you have a dream to talk to young girls and to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and do something different, but I also have a public speaking fear, I had and experience that shut me down for a while. I am still trying to overcome that battle, becausee I too fell like at times I don’t know how to articulate what I want to say in a clear and impactful manner. I talk in cirlcles which often times leaves me and my audience confused. I got confirmation in this post when I seen the toastmaster reference. I will be joining the one at my job, and I want to go back to school for communications, but was told it’s not that important, just take a few classes, but I really want to obtain my degree in communiations.
Anyways, I was sharing all that to say you are an inspiration, everytime someone says , “OMG, do you read necolebitichie” I respond yes, but have you seen her personal blog, it’s sooooo motivating and inspiring and then girl I start telling your story like it’s my own, becasue you give me hope… I to am in the process of building my website StarletMonee.com and hopefully you can check out my story as I aspire to inspire. A quote GOD gave to me was this when I was going through my self-worth, self-esteem phase, and trying to find the confidence on the inside that I pretended to have on the outside was this: “Faith is beauty- Fashion and Make-up are just the accessories; You are the STATEMENT piece in your wardrobe” ~ StarletMonee inspired by God.
Faith is Beauty is my Business, he gave that to me as well, Please continue to do what you are doing Necole, so many people will benefit from you Keeping God in the center of everything you do, and obeying him and doing what he has called you to do! Hopefully we can cross paths in the future.
P.S. there may be some grammer and spelling situations going on in this post, LOL!
WOW! I can relate to this so so so much.
I’ve read one book each week for as long as I can remember. You honestly don’t realize how much reading opens up your mind until you have a conversation with someone who isn’t very knowledgeable. When I was 7, I wrote Oprah a letter telling her I had read the children’s version of her bio and I wanted to be like her. Crazy thing…??! She wrote me back. I still have the letter and the photo that she autographed. I have loved her ever since. Necole, I admire you for many reasons—but one main one is because, like Oprah, you lift other black women up. No matter the background, the age, or the social status. That’s a rarity today, and I’m certain it’s a rarity in your industry.
Thanks for sharing this conversation and your gift with us all.
@Skyler, Wow Skyler! She wrote you back! That is incredible! Thank you so much for your kind words
You’re awesome, Necole!