I wrote this in the midst of doodling on a four hour train ride from Switzerland to Paris.
To my surprise, after sharing what I wrote, a few women responded, ‘That man doesn’t exist!’
I thought the qualities were pretty simple.
But I was waken up out of my fairy tale pretty quickly.
I had to ask myself, “Have we allowed ourselves to lower our expectations of men THAT much in this day and age, that we don’t think that we can have a significant other that does the small things?”
We hear so many heart-warming stories from couples whose love stood the test of time, and we always wonder in the back of our minds, “Will I ever experience a love like that?”
It’s clear that the dating scene has changed dramatically. Courting has become a lost art. Sometimes, we as women are so wrapped up in our independence that we don’t even stop at a door long enough for a man to open it. Texting, sending Dm’s and private messages on social media has replaced phone calls and letter writing.
Still, I do believe the love I want exists.
I’ve learned that the things you want only exists, if you believe they exist. If you truly believe you are worthy and deserving of those things, they will eventually appear in your life.
Xo
Hi, I'm Necole!
That´s my baby & not to mention gives the best foot massages <3
He does exist!! It´s the lack of belief that allows women to lower their standards!
I´m going with the one that says “a perfect marriage is two imperfect ppl unwilling to give up on each other :)” Been with my husband since I was 16. it has been a great and crazy ride 🙂
I have 3 out of 4. My man ain´t writing no love letters…. lol
They may have allowed themselves to lower their expectations enough to where they believe that the man that they want is not out there but I haven´t. It´s good that you wrote who your husband will be because now you will know who he is when he shows you what you want to see. I think those women may hve lost sight of the man they want as a husband because maybe they had too many bad seeds. I am single, don´t wanna be, I want a man, a husband, a love of my life but I haven´t found him yet. I know how I´d like him to be and when that man comes along, I´ll know it and the rest will be written in history books.
Yes as women, most of them have lowered their standards just to have a man. That mah does exist.
Not every man expresses himself that way
Yes he does! He lives with me! 🙂
Wouldn´t that be perfect!!
I´m almost 30 yrs old…and though I see so many bitter posts from men and women about the opposite sex, I still believe in my heart that there are great guys out there, and look forward to the one God blesses me with to be my HUSBAND. Just know what you want, and don´t settle for just any ole thang… #HadToPutHusbandInBoldLetters
He exist. I´m an optimist!! Hopeless romantic.
Your list is too easy. A man like that could be also be deceitful, disrespectful and small-minded: e.g. Chad Johnson – ask every woman he’s ever been with how that worked out. I’m sure he told them he loved them, wrote them love letters, kissed them with passion…etc….you get the point. It’s easy to find a man who does that.
I’m married, and here’s what I think – your list does not set a high enough standard. it focuses on that fairy book style romance that, ON ITS OWN, does not stand up to the realities and demands of life and time. If I were you I would focus on finding a man who in addition to giving you butterflies in your stomach, is also kind, intelligent, really takes the time to listen to what you say and REMEMBERS what you say; and most importantly is willing to grow and develop with you.The only difficult thing I find on your list is finding a man who knows how to ‘express when he is hurt’. Most men are not taught that, they are told expressing hurt is weak and they need to be strong. This is why you want a man who is willing to grow and develop with you. Most wives have to teach their husbands how to do this.
My first time commenting and I gave you an essay. Sorry!
@Sonia,( Most men are not taught that, they are told expressing hurt is weak and they need to be strong) this is so true,to find a man who openly expresses his pain is rare unless he was raised to talk about his friends especialy black men
@Sonia,( Most men are not taught that, they are told expressing hurt is weak and they need to be strong) this is so true,to find a man who openly expresses his pain is rare unless he was raised to talk about his feelings especialy black men
I totally agree with you if you don’t believe he’s out there then you’ll never find him and of course you should be deserving when you do find him .
I want many things from a man but the number kne thing I want from the man I spend the rest of my life with is inspiration .
He’s out there. After 14 years, the loss of a child and marriages( to other people). We could not deny our lasting love for one another. Even after all these years I still get butterflies when he comes through the door. He tells me I’m beautiful every day. I may not get the love notes…but I get the voicemails..the quiet Sunday afternoons reading in the bed together..and our wonderful scrabble games. I think those are good substitutes. I know everyone doesn’t get this chance at love…I know I’m lucky. We both know we are blessed. And we thank God..for this chance. To all women out there who don’t believe…start being in love with yourself. Your happy existence will exude and positivity will follow. Trust…he’s out there..please believe me!
Yep. He exists. What you put out is what you receive. Every vibration counts and matters in the big scheme of love.
He does exist,like i pray for A man who loves God more than anything.You posted a story on your website about viola davis on the cover of essence and she talked about how she knelt down and prayed to God to give her a man who loves God more than anything else and 2 weeks later her now husband showed up and for the first date he took her to church.SO yours might come 2 weeks or 2 years just remember hell come,God has blessed you with him you may not see him now but God has already done it(LOL i stole the last line from pastor mir mir that kid who preached to kmichelle)
Blessings
@Sonia, the most important thing I look for that’s not on my list is a man that I admire. I say this numerous times (especially in interviews), when someone asks what I am looking for. ‘Someone who I admire.’ And admiration goes a long way. Sure a man can come and do all these things listed and not be genuine, but when you respect, love and admire someone for his character, the way he treats people, even the less fortunate, his intelligence and willingness to always learn more, as well as help you understand the things you do not know, someone who is understanding, ambitious, and most of all GOD-FEARING, all of those other things will come.
It says a lot that this list is very ‘basic’ and ‘simple’ and women still do not think this man exists.
And it’s okay to live a fairytale. In my adulthood I’ve learned that we get so stuck on harsh realities that it’s getting even more difficult to even smile at a man that comes our way and pays a compliment rather just, take the moment in and say ‘Thank you.’ You never know where it will go from there.
Thanks for commenting
After reading the comments of many of the ladies who posted before me, the only thing I would like to add is that while he exists, he may not come in the package you’re expecting. We women are often attracted to specific type of guy, and most of the time, he’s not the “nice guy”. This was very true for me. Being a native New Yorker, I would gravitate towards the cool guy with the NY swag. Most men I dated were white collar, while some were blue collar…but the common denominator was this New York swag. When I first met my husband (who is Nigerian), I was intrigued, but put off a bit because he was not what I was expecting. I can tell you now that he is the best man I’ve ever known.
I say this to challenge you ladies who are still looking to open your mind to meeting someone unlike the men you’ve dated before. Know what your deal breakers are (e.g. faith, honesty, ambition), but don’t let that list be so long that you miss out on a good opportunity. Necole, I loved what you said about admiring your man. This is so important, because while butterflies are great, they don’t sustain a relationship. Lastly, trust that God has already picked out your man, and that he’s preparing him for you.
Thanks Maisha! Great Message!