In 2011, I had a photo shoot during a pit-stop in New York. The makeup was supposed to be very experimental and we were playing around with looks that were different than the signature curly or wavy low-maintenance styles that I prefer to wear.
Beforehand, I was told that the photographer was amazing, but was also forewarned that it was normal for him to frantically yell and scream at his subjects throughout the entire shoot.
I was still not ready for what would ensue!
During the four hours of the shoot, I felt like a little kid who was being scolded every single time I chose to shift my body just a little or turn my head a bit too far. There were times that the photog would get so angry that I just knew he was ready to throw something at me. If you remember Indiana University’s infamous coach Bob Knight and how angry and intense he would be during games, sometimes even throwing chairs across the floor, my shoot was at that level.
I was supposed to be taking gorgeous photos but I didn’t feel pretty, I didn’t feel beautiful.
By the end, I was almost in tears and felt humiliated, especially since the glam squad were close friends of mine, who had to sit and watch me go through the verbal torture.
At least I was able to get some cool shots out of it.
Due to my inability to communicate with the photog after the shoot, I never had the images retouched. I cut my losses but here’s a few that surfaced today while cleaning out my computer files.
The lesson I learned: As a metaphor, in life, we may see a pretty picture being painted, but we never know what goes on behind the scenes. My situation was just a photographer yelling and screaming and I would no longer have to deal with him when the shoot was over.  But what about those women, who are in what we think are picture perfect relationships, but behind that pretty smile that we see on social media or in photo albums, she may be getting abused and mistreated.  Meanwhile, there are a ton of women, that are wishing they had what she has. If only they knew…
I remember talking to someone about some of the things I had gone through from 2011-2013. Those were the years were the blog was at it’s highest peak of success, but behind the scenes I wasn’t mentally healthy.  That person said to me, “I would have never guessed. You looked so happy in your Instagram photos.”
On the outside, people saw a girl who was winning awards, being featured in magazines, heard on the radio and referenced on some of their favorite TV shows. Behind the scenes, there was a lot I was dealing with that became too much to bear.  I was depressed, broken and seeking therapy.
Yes, I am guilty of putting up a facade, but I made it through it.
Now, I can talk about it and hopefully help someone else.
Another really important thing that I learned from the photographer fiasco is that I am at my absolute best when I am working with individuals who are fun and free-spirited and can get their point across without being violate, aggressive and obnoxious.  Now, I pay very close attention to the way people move, interact and express themselves far in advance of deciding whether we’d be a good fit to work together.
The same for relationships.
 
 

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