“Excuse me Miss. Do you mind if I sit here so I can finish drawing you.”
I still get chills as I think back to last week. I was kicking back in one of my favorite neighborhood restaurants, dipping festival in hot sauce while reflecting on my first month in New York. While I debated with myself on if I wanted to calorie up with some bread pudding, a guy approached me holding a sketched portrait of a woman. Within seconds of glancing at the drawing, I immediately recognized the shape of her nose, her almond shaped eyes, and cheek bones. That woman was me.
I literally gasped as a million thoughts ran through my head.
How long has this guy been watching me and drawing me?
Did he see how I just tore up that festival bread with hot sauce?
OMG this is totally creepy…
But the photo is so gorgeous!
As overwhelmed as I was by the moment, I politely uttered, “Sure,” as he sat down.
“How long does it normally take you to etch these drawings?” I asked just so I could get a good idea of how long I had been watched without knowing.
“Not long. About 10-15 minutes…” he responded while continuing to etch the fine details of the hair around my face.
When I first moved to New York, I chose Harlem as the place I would reside because of the culture and very warm welcoming feel of the neighborhood. I can’t tell you how many times over the course of the last month, I’ve sat down with my neighbors over coffee or bread pudding, or met, shared stories and cried with my readers within blocks of where I live. Everywhere I go, it feels familiar and the people like family. In a nutshell, it feels like home and I’ve never quite experienced that feeling out of all the cities, states and places I’ve ever lived (and there has been many.)
Although, I was a bit taken aback by the moment I was having, with the artist and this incredibly gorgeous and colorful sketch, which was how he viewed me through his eyes, it felt familiar. And within minutes of us chatting, he began to feel like an old friend I hadn’t seen in awhile that I was catching up with. Throughout the next hour, we’d chat about everything from break ups, to being emotionally unavailable, and finding one self.
I would later find out that his name was Kaheim and he goes around the city “sketching queens” (via his Instagram.)
“What is your dream?”
“That is deep,” he responded. “To build a brand that’s sustainable, and help others create brands and companies that are sustainable.” And after more thought, “You know you can be famous on Instagram and still be broke,” he said laughing.
“Oh, don’t I know…”
I know all too well.
“Why are your sketches colorful,” I asked.
“Because I don’t view the world as black and white.”
As I asked for the bill, and watched Kaheim finish up his sketch, I thought of the many times that we’ve gone through life, not realizing how many people are seriously watching. And not in the literal sense, but every day, no matter if it’s via your posts on social media, a business deal, a public relationship, your co-workers or bosses at work, or an interview, there is someone who is more than likely watching the moves that you make. To some, you will be their hero, mentor, or even what #lifegoals look like, while others may resent you for what you choose to or choose not to post on social media or reveal through casual conversations. Everyone’s perception is based off the highlight reels we choose to show.
Back in January, I was feeling very stagnant and discouraged. I was still living in Arizona which made it very difficult to grow and expand the xoNecole platform the way I wanted to and I felt like I was stuck in this mediocre bubble since my resources, and funds had dried up. Truth be told, I was keeping my website afloat by closing five figure influencer deals with brands and pumping that money into my website to keep my contributors and server bills paid. We launched with a full writing staff, editors, and a launch party in 2015, but by late 2016, I had to start laying off people when I realized that are expenses far exceeded the revenue we were making. Bringing in revenue was a challenging spot for us because we had no in-house sales team (we worked with a few amazing independent sales reps), and we weren’t signed to any ad networks or agencies. We were truly an example of trying to make it off of a dollar and a dream.
Although I had a vision, with each day that went by, growing the brand became a bigger struggle, financially and content wise, and I started feeling defeated.
And then I got the call.
I got the call from someone who I respect and admire and who had clearly been watching my moves throughout the past two years and the bulk of my career. I had no idea in that moment, that that call would possibly change the trajectory of my career and my life.
Even when I felt irrelevant and as though no one was watching anymore, people were still watching.
I’m so thankful for Kaheim and his sketch (which I took home) as a beautiful reminder to always put your best foot forward and do your best work, even when you think no one is watching.
Who are you when you think no one sees you? That is ultimately what defines who you are and your character.
Those moments when no one is applauding loud enough for you to hear them, and the only reward is choosing to do something for no other reason than to prove to yourself that you can do it, those are the moments that will count the most. You’ll find over time that when you are quietly putting in the work, you won’t have to broadcast every single win. God will make it known on your behalf.
