Throughout my life I’ve learned two things:
1) Don’t allow yourself to be restricted by rules. To live a liberated life of your dreams, you’ll eventually break every single one of them.Â
and
2) Never say neverÂ
Two years ago, I said I would never live in New York or the surrounding area again.
I lied.
As a backstory, I’ve lived in Union City (10 Minutes outside of midtown Manhattan) in 2007, Downtown Brooklyn in 2010, and Union City again in 2013.  The last time around, when my lease was up and I attempted to find another place to live in the city that didn’t require 2 full months rent for the security deposit,  would give me the luxury of having a washer and dryer in the apartment, and parking that didn’t require me to have to wake up 1-2 times a week to move my car to another block because of street cleaning, I failed. In comparison, I went to LA for a week and found a spacious apartment with tons of natural lighting, basic luxuries, free garage parking and only required a $300 security deposit.  I was on the West Coast before anyone I knew could throw a “going away” festivity.
I was out.
Over the years, I’ve always questioned why living in New York was so hard. Â
Eating healthy was the struggle.
Finding time to go to the gym was a struggle.
Self-care was a struggle.
Grocery shopping was a struggle.
Doing laundry if you weren’t the lucky few who had W/D in unit was a struggle.
Finding time to do anything outside of work and a little networking, was the struggle.
How did people over the age of 28 still do it?
After living in Arizona for two years, surrounded by Zen, energy healers, friendly neighbors, $25 dollar a month gym memberships and a list of luxuries, I said I could never go back to that lifestyle again.
And again, I lied.
In a few weeks, I will be moving to New York again.  Although I started to believe I was going to spend the rest of my life tucked away in the desert living a very modest lifestyle, God had other plans for me. This year, I felt this overwhelming jolting feeling that I was settling for comfort. That I hadn’t even come close to walking in my fullest capacity of greatness, and that this calm, clarity-filled, healthy life that I was currently living, as beautiful as it was, was pulling me further and further away from the purpose-filled life that I was destined to live.
So when career opportunities started presenting themselves, especially those that scared the crap out of me, I knew it was time to embark on a new journey, and my time here was finally coming to an end.
As I pack up my things, and leave my peaceful life behind in Arizona, here’s how I have decided I will be navigating New York differently:
1. Create a self-care routine in the mornings
One of the first things I did when I realized there was a possibility I would be returning to New York was call a friend and ask her, “How do you exercise self-care?” Â I needed to know between the constant rush of subways, her job, attending network events and rushing from one place to the next, how she was able to create time to love on herself. Her answer was simple, “This city doesn’t have a collective curfew, so I make sure I always get up early and carve out time in the morning to find my center.”
Noted.
For me, this will mean making sure I’m in the house by 9 and bed no later than 11 during the weekdays so that I can wake up during the magic hours between 4am and 6am when the city is sleeping. I plan to continue my morning self-care ritual that I currently have in Arizona which includes; opening my blinds, prayer, journaling, aromatherapy with essential oils,  cooking breakfast, and listening to a few chapters of an audio book or podcast — all before checking my phone to make sure I’m grounded and centered before I plug into the real world.
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2. Get to know my neighborhood, my neighbors and have staples
The one thing I’ve come to love about living in a not so major city like Scottsdale, Arizona is that people actually make eye contact and engage with you when you walk in stores, restaurants or pass each other in elevators. Most of the restaurants I frequent remember my order, and my UPS guy makes sure there is a bowl of fresh tootsie rolls in the front of the store every time I come to pick up my mail. Â I love the familiarity of it all.
I realize I can create a similar atmosphere in a big city like New York if I make time to really get to know my neighborhood. Frequenting the same coffee shops and bodegas often and taking time to make eye contact with people, as well as engage in conversation will help me get to know my neighbors and the people who are serving me a nice warm latte each day.
3. Arrive everywhere early
I found myself flustered a lot during the times that I lived in New York, and I’m coming to terms that it was 90% my fault. I was flustered because I was always rushing and I was always rushing because I was always running late.  During the recent week I spent in New York, I arrived to all of my meetings at least a half hour early and there was a noticeable difference in how calm and confident I was versus the times I’ve shown up on time or a few minutes late. Arriving to places early, regardless of if it’s an event, important job interview, or dinner meeting, gives you time to settle in, scope out the atmosphere, and gather your thoughts which will boost your confidence and lead to better networking. Not to mention, it will leave a lasting impression.
4. A Social Circle Of Empowering Friends
While at the DC Broccoli Festival, I ran into “The Queen of Green” Yoli Ouiya who runs the healthy living blog Yoli’s Green Living. We instantly connected on our passion for self-care, crystal therapy and educating the community on healthier eating habits. When I mentioned I was toying with the idea of returning to New York, she told me she wanted to put together a sister circle of women who had similar interests in self-care and health for weekly meet ups and accountability check ins.  That was music to my ears.
Aside from nurturing friendships with people who have similar lifestyle interests as I do, I also want to make sure I venture outside of my comfort zone and create friendships that empower me. I’ve sort of fell into the mentor role to a lot of people throughout my career and realized that although I had a lot of friends who looked up to me, I wasn’t establishing a lot of deeper connections and relationships with people I admired and looked up to.  That is crucial in the pursuit of elevating higher.
5. Continue To Meal Prep, Indulge In Healthy Eating &Â Stay Fit
While we are on the subject of healthy eating, I can no longer allow myself to be on the one-meal-a-day diet that I adopted while working in the entertainment industry the previous three times I lived in New York.  As entrepreneurs, at times we find ourselves so emerged in work that Breakfast and Lunch time passes us by and it’s not until late afternoon that we grab our first meal. An unhealthy meal at that.  This go-round, meal prepping will be crucial to me sticking to a healthy diet. Better, healthier eating habits have become key to managing my energy, and has resulted in me being far more alert, creative and productive during the day.
I’m well aware, that grocery runs won’t be as quick and easy as they are where I’m currently living, however, the benefits of continuing my current meal prep routine will be well worth the effort.
Also, hitting the gym and releasing endorphins hasn’t just kept me uber fit, it has been the key to managing my stress levels. Finding a gym home and working out at least 3-4 times a week is going to be a crucial part of me keeping my peace.Â
6. Ditch The Car, Take The Subway
The last three times I lived in New York, I owned a car and instead of taking the subway, I drove, Uber’d, or Taxi’d my way around the city while racking up transportation and parking bills that rivaled rent prices.
This can not happen in 2017. I value saving for retirement, travel and living a life I don’t need to constantly escape from far too much. Â Taking the subway is not only much cheaper than all the other options that are available, you get places far quicker.
7. Spend More Time Networking
Dinner meetings, networking events, happy hour drinks, thank you notes and follow up emails are all crucial keys in building and nurturing your relationships in huge cities like New York. I remember being on the Rolling Out Female Success Tour in 2008 when I first heard Munson Steed proclaim, “Your network is your net worth.” I must admit, due to my social anxiety and awkwardness in social settings, I haven’t been the best networker in my career, but I am now challenging myself face my fears and go to more events, hand out more business cards and work the rooms when I return to the Big Apple.
8. Have A Thriving Personal Life
Work, life, love balance is very important to me in this stage of my life. During most of the 10 years of my career in entertainment, I didn’t date and most of my friends were my peers or business associates. Honestly, having solely these type of relationships can feel empty and almost a bit lonely in a city like New York. Â You find yourself only knowing bits and pieces of people and only catching up to go to parties, events and brunches together. Â I need something deeper to be fulfilled.
Now that my priorities in life have shifted to include more balance and the things that bring me joy, dating and getting to know people beyond surface level relationships is so important to me. This is a huge focus for me as I attempt to thrive in the next stage of my life and career.
I’m looking at New York through a different lens than I did before.  My perspective has changed and my new New York chapter won’t be full of people I barely remember, at events I barely cared about. It’s going to mean something this time around.
Are you a current New Yorker or have you ever lived in New York at some point? Any suggestions on how I can navigate this fast paced scene and get the work/life balance I so dearly crave would be greatly appreciated!Â
I’m moving to New York next year so this article was great! It encourages to start working on the main points now so that when I get there, I’ll already be in the groove.
I’m moving to NY next year as well! I decided in March will be my move point. Best of luck and this article was spot on!
I’ve been living in NY all my life – 31 years – and this article was spot on! I plan to make some changes based on the pointers you’ve shared. Thank you and welcome back to New York!
its nice to visit, but i dont get how people can live there.
gotta be a true Newyorker / hustler , definitely not for the meek
Live close to a train, but not close to the action. My apartments have always been 2-3 minutes away from my train station but always tucked away from the main streets. This helps me disconnect from the world and the hectic pace of my day and really setrle into in my oasis of an apartment. Also, really make your space “yours”. I’m a nester so I totally transform my apartments into spaces that fit me and exude the energy I want it to. Good luck Necole! I’m sure I’ll see you around!
This is such good advice. Especially the train bit. My friend lives directly across the street from the 1, and commuting into midtown (and almost everywhere) was so easy and stress free versus having to walk blocks.
Meanwhile I’m trying to get out of nyc lol. Good luck
But I thought you loved AZ?
I love your energy and transparency! Keep glowing and growing! Best wishes in New York!
If you are looking for any fashion writers/editors or correspondents please let me know! Besides fashion being my passion your energy is contagious!
I relocated to Baltimore. I dont know how my New York friends still surviving in retail. Push forward though and keep moving up!
Nope. I would never live there again. It doesn’t even feel like home when I go back.
I lasted a decade in BX including 9/11. It’s not for everyone so I totally can relate to your sentiment. #1 is a major key. I think we often put too much pressure in an already difficult Situation. I became jaded. I became rude. I developed a hard shell just out of survival. Today, I’ll drive two hours just to grab a slice, sit in a park, and just watch…everything. People. Animals. Nature. Architecture. The energy. I think you appreciate it more & can get a better handle when you step out & then back in. Good luck to you girl!
Best wishes on your next journey!! âĄ
I had always hoped to run into you on my visits to Phoenix but NY is only 4 hours away!! Blessings to you on your new endeavor Necole
I’ve lived in NYC for about 10 years now and everything you listed is spot on! A few of these tips I def already follow but need to get better at networking and knowing my neighborhood. Arriving early is key for me also as I hate that feeling of being rushed and unprepared as well. One thing that has helped me is developing a routine for yourself. Like for example, on Saturdays I make it a point to work out and do my grocery shopping for the next week. Sundays is church and meal prep day. Obviously other things will come up such as a day party/ brunch (lol) but I don’t do the extras if my priorities aren’t taken care of first. I also follow the same weekday in by 9, sleep by 11 rule. Only you know what you need, no one can tell you otherwise! Best of luck!!
I lived in Downtown BK in 2010. I moved to Westchester for two years, hated it and came back to Brooklyn. I actually moved to Crown Heights in close proximity to Prospect Park. I love it here so much more and it lends to being able do a lot of the things on your list. The Park is great for running, working out, hanging out with friends. You are near the botanic gardens which I visit twice a week to just sit and enjoy the flowers or the koi in the pond. BK museum is right there as well and First Saturdays is popping for networking and socializing. Being able to walk to all those things changed living in the city for my family and I. There’s a blink gym opening in Park Slope and that’s $20 a month.
In the same area and love/appreciate/ do same things you listed! Also at Blink! One of the reasons I love my hood, so much to do within walking distance:-)
Best of luck! NY is home for me. Your goals are on point. Those early morning will make you feel you own the city!
Please spend time away in a “green spaces” especially when the city gets too “loud”. Parks, area beaches, the mountains in PA or upstate NY; even if only for a day. It helps with balance.
Yes, go to the outer boroughs sometimes. Much to do in Queens, Brooklyn… hell, venture to Long Island.
Damn that was some sound advice!
This one was good!
I cannot relate to even THINK about living in NYC !! But then again, I’m a country girl.
You’re on it, especially the car part… Subways are it, and yeah, Skype interviews đ
I’ve been in New York over ten years. I’m just happy I could say I lived in Grenada at one point in my life. It was a dream. New York is hardcore reality. I got the best of both worlds. Welcome back Necole!
My husband is from Grenada. Its very “raw”…slow & relaxing. I could retire there lol
Good luck! I would’ve thought LA would’ve been your next move! Hate I didn’t run into you in AZ!
I’ve lived in NYC all my life (31 years) and honestly I’m only now getting the hang of it. I’m learning how to not let the-city-that-never-sleeps overwhelm me. I’ll take some of your pointers and apply it because knowing how to master self-care in this fast-paced world is necessary. Welcome back to the jungle.
As I am a crone living here 2nd time around since 1976, 2 blocks either direction from two subway lines and one block away from a crosstown bus. There is always Trader Joe’s for groceries and make friends with the farmers at your farmer’s market. At a restaurant always ask your server their name and engage them about their life. A two min. conversation is key to making them feel good about themselves serving you
I understand ain’t nothing like living in the big Apple. I’m a New York Native born and raised… moved to Pa almost 4 years ago and hate it. I’m ready to go back home. It is the city where dreams are made of!
+ I currently live in the NYC and I live about 3 minutes away from the 3 train. So it’s a good idea to stay away from the craziness of traffic, to reshift your focus. With your article that you’re doing just reminds me the theme of this year, “The Other Side”. In “The Other Side”, you continuously learn not to settle for comfortable, but confront yourself in doing things differently. Cheers to you for coming back. I believe that there’s going to be more blessings coming your way as you come back and explore with a renewed mindset. The best is yet to come for you!
Did you consider LA? I love NYC and grew up there and moved to LA a year ago and absolutely love it same nurturing of creativity but a better quality of life! And you could still do fitness out here !
Practice makes perfect…..Glo On!
Such an honest and vulnerable article. Our experiences parallel. I’m returning to so Cal (for the third time) this weekend to continue the pursuit of my purpose. Butterflies, yes. But at least they’re not colliding with each other. Full speed ahead!!
I take the train and it has finally began grinding me down. I need a 5 year break from NYC now.
I’m a life long NYker and our hustle is real. I love it. The food, the culture. I still live in Brooklyn and I really hope the hipster trash don’t ruin it. I now live in East Flatbush but will always be DO OR DIE BEDSTUY! Amazon Prime/Fresh is my friend! I work in Herald Square/Garment District.
Even tho the subway is having it’s trouble it is still a quick economical way to get around the city. Within my borough uber is my friend.
Good luck!
New York and all your fans are excited to have you. Live your vision like we know you can.
I’m the lifelong New Yorker that drives and eats like shit. But Melissa Alexandra of Trials N’ Tresses has this New York public school teacher, MTA rider, blogger, yoga, healthy eating vegan, workout lifestyle down packed if you need guidance.
Welcome back!! Bring all that good Virgo energy!
Necole the train even with its issues moves millions every day. It’s an economical method of travel. Peak travel on uber between Manhattan & Brooklyn can cost over 100 in a share ride. MTA 2.75
Aghhhh! That’s home for the Femly team, these are all great tips!
Great read! Good luck!!!
I’m moving to NYC in less than a month! This article was right on time. Self-care is something I’m really planning to do consistently while living there. Networking is something that I’ve struggled with but plan to get better at.
See you in the big apple!
This article was right on time! Thanks
what podcasts do you listen to in the morning?
I switched from the gossip site to this quite easily. I liked your gossip site cause it was never negative and I like xo even better cause I like the real stories and what not. I really love what you’re doing here.
I moved to NY from Jamaica, I always loved NY, but I always visited. Living it is a different beast. Not sure that this is for me. I think I prefer a more laid back lifestyle and comfort and I’ll go back to visiting. Maybe I’ll try Arizona!
Good for you it seems like you have a good game plan. I was there for 10 years left because I had another baby. Finding quality friendships and balancing out your life between work and personal is important. I feel the train is easier to get around I had a car as well which was a nuisance because we all know about parking in NYC. Good luck!!! You will do fine. Maybe I’ll bump into you I’m there once a month.
I think NY is a headache worth having and once you find the heartbeat of the city for you it’s manageable. I’ve lived here all my life and I think you coming back with a plan to gird yourself is the first major key. The temptation to spend and hang out is HEAVY here lol but knowing your end goal keeps things in perspective, having the girl squad is a help, and having a place to escape whether that’s the sanctuary in your room, a bench tucked away on the high line, or sitting on the steps by fountain at Grand Army plaza early on a Sunday. Brooklyn will take care of you, the vibes says so, good luck and Welcome Home!
During the summer walk home from work when you can. All my friends used to tell me I’m missing out by always taking the train, even if it was 1 or 2 stops away. One day, I walked from work (Rockefeller Center) to Union Square and it was so relaxing. I noticed all the new restaurants and cute shops and boutiques that I never had time to notice. Throughout my trek, there was always a group of people walking and change of scenery, so I never felt bored or realized how far I was walking. It’s the perfect way to immerse yourself in the city. If you walk along the path of the closest train home, you’ll learn what each stop has to offer.
THIS!!!
I so needed this. I’m moving to New York from Boston. I tried a two week try out to see how I could deal and I broke down đ but I’m trying to make some serious moves in my career and feel like the move is necessary. I really appreciate this article!
Have you blogged about essential oils?
Thank you for this. I have been toying around with leaving after being here 4 years because of the exact reasons you mentioned. HOWEVER yesterday the board for the NYC wardrobe union voted YES on my application (I know God wants me here at least for now), so everything you posted is something I truly need to adopt! THANK YOU!!!!!
If possible, I suggest living in a mostly residential neighborhood. The feeling when you come home is infinitely different than being close to a busy thoroughfare or transit hub. I’ve found great peace that way. While it might be sightly out of the way from some transportation (there will be trade-offs) and you might have to use services like Fresh Direct to get necessaries, the gain in wellness and peace of mind is immeasurable. Better yet if you can find somewhere near a park to just enjoy the green space (and running, if you’re a runner like I am). Good luck this next time around!
Um. Get on the train like every other New Yorker. Lol. You’d rather sit in traffic and pay 10x as much per day to get around… Nah. Nobody does that lol.
lmaooo can we trade places for a few months?
Yes! Thanks girl. All the stuff I know but is hard to do here. Good tips.
I’m so jealous!!!
Wow going back and forth but returned to it after a 4th time? You’re brave
NY isn’t for the faint of heart, L.A. isn’t either and you’ve made it through both even if for short stints. I’m from Cali born and raised. Lived all over the globe due to the Air Force. I’m leaving Atlanta and moving to Nashville after I vacation and enjoy Essence Fest.
As I’ve grown a little older, I enjoy my peace and space. Traffic alone gives me anxiety. NY is cool to visit but tough on everyone I’ve seen who lives there. It like makes you older or rough. Idk. Wishing you blessings. Don’t want to be negative. What’s for you is for you.
This is an amazing plan. Good luck!
The point is if possible limit your public transportation commuting distance to 30 mins.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/28/nyregion/subway-delays-overcrowding.html
I’ve always tossed around the idea of living in NYC but haven’t landed there yet. I believe that your new perspective and lifestyle goals will allow you to continue to thrive and grow in the city. I definitely need to do more of numbers 1, 4, 7, & 8.
Yes that MIGHT be the point, but the reality is really something very different than the anecdote given in an article. The practicality of the matter is a major issue. And unless you live in Long Island, Weschester County or Jersey, it makes no sense as a long term strategy. Anyone living here knows that. The cost of living is already pretty high, even when you do make a substantial living. But even at that level, public transportation is still the most practical way of getting around NYC.
Welcome back
Agree don’t take the train
I’ve been following you for YEARS! I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to see the things you accomplish!
see you soon then!!
I dont take the train as a matter of fact i try to do everything else but take the train but of course this is a matter of life style and proximity. The life laid out in this beautifully written article is highly ambitious if you are going to rely on the mta for travel….
Dopeness!!
I asked you on twitter to write about your decision to move to NY because i knew it would inspire me and motivate me as well. I am planning to move to a bigger city ( i live in Nigeria) but i am a bit scared. I just know if i stay here , i would make money but not in what i want. Reminding myself why i left my country is what is motivating me to relocate . People told me i shouldn’t leave but hey, when the universe tells you to go , you go. You can’t cheat your gut. Thanks for another inspiring article Necole. Wish you all the best .
One’s world shifts when you add a husband and baby into the picture, but I still can apply many of these tips. Thanks for sharing.
There’s always Uber……
Love the article Necole. I lived in NYC for three years: two in the city and one upstate. Oddly enough, NYC was my respite the way Scottsdale was yours. You asked for suggestions: I would advise taking further pressure off yourself by outsourcing as much as possible. Have your groceries delivered or even use a meal prep service. Have your clothes picked up, laundered, and returned already folded or on hangers. I did these things while there and used most of my time to write, think, meditate, pray, and explore. Smack dab in the concrete jungle for two years was one one of the most peaceful times of my life. Funny that you mentioned the comfort that sets in when you have peace like that. I experienced that as well. My meditations were taking me so deep that I was becoming so serene that I could not work. That was impractical, and it was time for me to do more work in the world, so I left NYC. But, I plan to return at some point. As a woman on a mission. Enjoy your move and your new life in the Big Apple! xx
I’m not moving to New York (anytime soon at least) but this article was so powerful Necole! I love your morning routine! Thanks for this article! â€ïž
I moved to NYC from San Francisco 12 years ago and have never looked back! I found my husband here and have 2 beautiful daughters. I’ve lived in Harlem the entire time and I LOVE IT!! Your plan is awesome and I am sure you will find some ways to tweak it to your needs ( your winter self care will be difference than your summer). My suggestion would be to find ways to make whatever felt hectic before more manageable… you mentioned a washer and dryer… there are a lot of wash and fold places that will pick up and deliver, there are a lot of grocery deliveries etc… I would love to send you a Welcome (back) to NY care package!!
So many folks have left NY over the last 2 years and here you come back – BRAVO!! There are tons of ways to make life easier this time around:
1) know the days the closest green market is in your area
2) Fresh Direct/Peapod are your friends
3) Spot on with the home gym ad the morning ritual.
4) Neighbors (good ones) are priceless.
5) Networking – so important in this City – some of the best one’s I have been to are the ones that are totally out of my normal type of event.
6) Uber and Lyft cause when one is surging the other may have better rates.
7) Free TimeOut New York – find it every week and try something new or keep a list of places to try when you read it.
8) Shobha Soho – best threading and waxing in the City hands down!!!
9) Find a “spot” – that bar you hit when you want a low key drink, don’t want to go far, and just need a spot to have a local drink.
10) Restaurants – find that little place that has food of your liking and frequent it and get to know the owners and who knows maybe you host an event of two there.
This article could not have been more timely. I recently moved back to NYC from Charlotte, knowing that I was settling for comfort and that I too needed to get back in my purpose. It has been such a struggle these past few weeks and literally feel that NYC is kicking my ass, so I will be sure to follow these tips!!! Thank you for sharing.
I want Tom relocate to Chicago he DMV area. Any pointers?
I want to relocate to the DMV area from Chicago. Any pointers?
Though I can’t move back to NYC, in the small city I do live in, walking, bussing it and getting rides when possible is a much better option for me and my pocket right now than getting a car. I have been obsessed with several things on your list, and it’s almost like it was written for me. Smh. Reading it for some reason I felt a tear in my eye, like someone GETS the need for organization and wrote it down in a way that makes sense to me and works for my lifestyle too.
Thanks for writing this. As I move into the blogging world further I am starting to feel like it’s important to get peace and grounding and not lose my ish all the time. Arriving late, no meal prep, no self care (neglecting the morning routine I actually loved and kept me motivated), etc. has been keeping me in a stuck place and I am tired of it. This blog I am working on I am very excited for but I know I need grounding and discipline to make it the success I know it will be.
Thanks again and I’m going to actively follow you from now on!
I MOVED TO NEW YORK 3 YEARS AGO. I AM MOVING BACK TO CHICAGO THIS FALL. I ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE HERE AND NOW I CAN SAY I DID IT. I MOVED HERE IN MY 40’S WHICH WAS BOTH GOOD AND BAD. I I SUGGEST YOU MAKE SURE YOU DO THINGS THAT HELP YOU TUNE OUT THE 24/7 VIBES HERE. WHILE ITS GREAT THAT THERE ARE TONS OF OPTIONS ALL THE TIME, I FIND PEACE IN COOKING MY MEALS (AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK), RUNNING, REGULAR MASSAGES (VERY AFFORDABLE HERE) AND DOING THINGS WITH SMALLER GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
Sorry for the all caps. I was cleaning my keyboard and didn’t notice I had hit the caps lock button. The need to slow down is very real. LOL