Today I called my grandmother (my mother’s mother) to check on her. Growing up my father’s mother was the one who took care of me and instilled certain values in my life. My father’s side of the family was more “well off” than my mother’s side. They were cultured, most of them owned their own businesses and enjoyed the finer things in life. So when my grandmother (on my father’s side) passed when I was 15, I was devastated to say the least.
My mother’s side was a complete opposite. My grandmother didn’t get further than an eighth grade education and started having kids at the age of 13 (five total). She lost her husband to a tragic accident. The way the story goes, he was driving a tractor trailer and somehow fell asleep and drove it off of a bridge. Her oldest daughter followed in her footsteps and started having kids at the age of 13, ending her education at the 8th grade level. My other aunts graduated high school but didn’t obtain college degrees. Most of my family on my mother’s side live in a 2 mile radius of each other so the fact that I moved away was truly a blessing.
I say all this to say, even though I’m out in the world attempting to strive for greatness…my family on my mother’s side hasn’t been the most supportive. Just the other week, I mailed a plaque to my aunt that I had been awarded – “One of Atlanta’s Top 25 Influential Women” with a note that said “If my mother was alive, she would have wanted to have this, I sent it to you in remembrance of her”. Of course she didnt call, email, write or anything to say she received it even though I know it was in her mailbox on Monday.
When I talked to my grandmother today, she asked me how I was doing. So I told her “i’ve been doing sooooo goood grandma” and she goes “don’t tell me you are if you aren’t.” and I felt as though that was such a pessimistic answer.
So I tell her “grandma, if i wasn’t doing well you know I’d tell you”. so i went on and told her all the good things, like I finally got health, dental and life insurance. And she stops me mid sentence and asks “did you put down a beneficiary” and I said “yea” and she goes “well make sure you have family listed and a phone number too because who knows what can happen” and she goes on and on for like ten minutes about how friends are there but they are not like family ..and i’m thinking “you damn right, my friends took me in, each and every one of them.” So I tell her “grandma I didn’t call you to talk about when I die, that’s the last thing on my mind right now. You are seriously bringing down my mood” and she goes “you are right, so what else has been going on”. So I start telling her more good stuff, like how I’ve been successful running my own ad campaigns for my business and how i have other ventures that will be launching soon..and she goes “well whatever you do don’t forget where you come from. Don’t get big headed and let those things go to your head”..and I”m like “what?”
In that split second, I first thought of sitting on her couch back in February and saying, “Grandma I’m leaving and I don’t think I’m coming back”. And she says “how are you moving without a plan” and I said “I don’t have a plan, but I have God…that’s all I need”. Then I thought of every time I’ve called her since moving and letting her know that God definitely had a plan for me but each time she was so negative towards me. She always found a way to belittle me every single time I called and I was TIRED of it. My aunt used to do the same thing. I would call her and tell her about something great that happened in my life and she would always respond with something that her son had just did. It’s like I’ve always wanted to share my success with my family but they make it so damn hard…
Before I knew it, I blurted out: “You know what, what I do is NEVER enough..it’s never good enough for you guys and that’s why I don’t call or come home. I’m tired of every time I have an accomplishment, you guys shoot me down and make me feel like the bottom of the barrell. Never mind that I got out of this small town, nevermind that I WORK for myself, nevermind any of that because I AIN”T SHIT TO YOU!!”
I just happened to be in a furniture store and every single person in that store turned around to look at me.
“I’ve been shot down all my life and I am FUCKING TIRED! Everytime I share an accomplishment with you, instead of congratulating me you tell me to not get big headed WTF??? Is it that hard to be PROUD of me??? IS IT??”
By this time I had tears streaming down my face and I could have threw my phone across the room shattering it to pieces (if it didn’t cost so much). I was LIVID.
Five minutes later I was at the Sprint Store changing my number.
Fifteen minutes later I was home removing her as the beneficiary off of my insurance policy
I am over it…
…this year alone I’ve heard “I am So Proud of you” more times than I have in my lifetime…and it’s from people that just recently became a part of my life. Just think, when I was younger I used to work so hard to hear those words from family …just to feel validated…but I realized today, that I may never hear those words from them.
Ever…
..and I don’t need to. I just cleaned house..
Hi, I'm Necole!
I don’t know you, I do know you have another blog, I’ve checked it out a few times but I subscribed to this one exactley because of post like this. We may be stangers to each other but I want to say I’m proud of you. Anyone who accomplishes what you have on your own deserves all of the good things that come to you. My grandmother told me she was proud of me for the first time about 3 years ago. I can’t say I know what you’ve been through but I can feel where your coming from. Good luck on everything you do.
Stay true to yourself and keep doing what you are doing. I hope you are proud of yourself… U should be.
I know exactly how you feel. The woman I lost in June, was my my grandmother. But she, along with my father raised me from the time I was 6 months old. I’ve never lived with my birth mother. And she have a stained/negative/un-healthy relationship at best. But despite it all, there was a part of me that went YEARS wanting her to take me into her arms and tell me that she loved me, that she was sorry and that she was proud of me. And then one day I had to change how I looked at things. My mother, your grandmother or anybody else is no more than someone who had children. We have these ideas in our heads of who our parents/family SHOULD be and how they SHOULD treat us. But truthfully, they can’t be for us, more than what they are for themselves. You’re right, you may never hear those words from her. But stand tall and be proud of yourself! not because of your professional success or monetary things. But be proud that when that moment comes and a child looks to you for that validation – you will know enough, be big enough, be strong enough and wise enough – to take them in your arms and say those words to them.
Stay up NB! Similar to Obama and the death of his grandmother before the election, you may have had to “lose” someone too, to make room for other things in your life. Your futhure looks bright. Enjoy!
you know how i feel about the whole ordeal!! blood may be thicker than water, but vampires can suck the life out of you sometimes. i just made that up and i hope it makes sense in some way…lol they’re not your only family. you always got me 😀 the only thing ur grandmother was right about was not forgetting where you came from….but what she failed to add to that was to never look back. you have a bright future ahead of you, necole! anyone adding negativity to it….you don’t have room for. brush ’em off and keep it movin’, cuz they’ll only weigh you down. you did the right thing. lawd knows when you’re BIG big-time, they’d try to hit you up like an absentee father of an NBA rookie after signing his contract…lol you’re never alone, sis!! *hugs*
daaamn….u go girl. I’m speechless. I know u hear it a lot from your friends, but “I’m proud of u. You inspire me greatly.”
Wow…Im so happy I decided to do further research on you today and found this site. I have only been looking @ crunktastical for a while now and even though I always wanted to know how you looked and what you were really like, I would have never guessed you are the person Ive been reading up on today. Your are an inspiration to a lot of women. Its easy to relate to you too (I almost got intimidated by the blog…lol, but….), you didnt come from a fancy background and you are out there trying to get it the honest, hardworking way. Happy I decided to find out more about you…. Stay real, its your trademark!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I go through the same thing with my family, and I tell you that has got to be one of the most hurtful and painful things that I have to deal with. The people you would normally expect to get praises and support from could care less about your accomplishments or seeing you happy and they would rather see you suffer and struggle. My family has never ever ever been supportive of anything that I’ve done, and over the years I have realized that its because they never had the confidence and the faith in themselves to strive for a certain level of success, and for them to see someone close to them makes them bitter. From one woman to another…I am proud of you!
Family isn’t always going to be there for you, but sometimes that is for the best. I have been reading your other blog since I believe it was January or late December, and I completely feel like I am apart of your success. Not in the I helped make you way, but feeling the pride in you coming so far. I am one of those people who has it in them to succeed, but lets doubt and my mind get in the way, but reading about how you have pushed yourself inspires me. I know I can find that motivation I need to finish my Bachelors degree and get my Masters, so I can hopefully get the job I always wanted. Family may be there to tell you all the things you want to hear or support you, but you have people out there who are genuinely happy for you. Not everyone makes it this far having a blog, you were meant for this success. All the things you went through growing up cultivated you to be someone who could handle the gifts you are receiving now. If your grandma wont tell you she is proud of you, I will, which may not mean anything considering you don’t know me, but it still comes from the heart
As hard as it was for you to take that action, it was very necessary for you to do so. Your journey is providing strength and courage for someone else to take the action they need to take. There are a lot of people proud of you, and your Mother is proud of you. Though she isn’t here to express it in a physical sense, you can rest assured that she is sending her love and watching over you.
Necole, though they have hurt you deep, don’t be too hard on your family – people can only do what they know to do. By your admission, the relatives who can’t seem to help lift you up, and are constantly trying to pull you down, are very narrow in their understanding. That may be all they know, all they understand to do. It doesn’t make it right, it just makes it real…
Your success is not dependent on their approval or acceptance, that’s what makes it so wonderful… it’s yours. Hard earned and yours regardless. You want to share it with those you love, and you have extended yourself, if they choose not to participate in a positive way, it’s their loss.
I expect one day, you’ll be open to sharing yourself with those family members again, and you should do that. Let them know, you are hurt, and that you love them, but you will not allow them to pull you down anymore. If they want an on-going relationship with you – they will have to “step up” to where you are.
BBlessed young sister – and keep doing your thing.
I wanted to first start by saying I’m Truly PROUD of you! I was in the same situation, it hurts when your family is more so jealous of you and no matter what you do they can only say things that hurt you! like you think your better or things of that nature well I want to let you in on a saying that I have taken and live by”family is sometimes all that is which is family” nothing more nothing less! Sometimes they don’t mean you any good! So changing the number is a great move, i do it as well actually every six months because in atlanta you meet alot of people and most don’t mean you any damn good! Take care and always know that there are people who don’t know you but recognize the good in you and how far you’ve come!
stay strong and believe and yourself…and through it all be proud of yourself, because you doing the damn thang, gurl.
This sounds a lot like my mother’s family. I was raised by my mother until I realised, at 14 years of age, she was keeping me from my true potential and my biological father and his family.
When I got into university, the first person on her side of the family, my mother didn’t even congratulate me, she asked me for a loan.
When I found my real dad’s family (as head passed while I was growing up), she said “well they haven’t been here for all of your life, what does it matter if you found them?”
At 21, I cut her and the family off completely. She had called me on my birthday just to drunkenly curse me out for leaving the family to be selfish and get successful without taking them along for the ride.
I am very happy for you that you have taken this measure because we should all have people to share in our success and the genuine ones are not always family. I wish you much success in the future and hope that you continue the sites and find great people to surround yourself with.
AMEN!! Your story almost mirrors mines. My friends are the trustees for my estate, they know me the best and will raise my son the way I would want him to be. I know the pain that family brings, remember they have been your motivation from day one. HOWEVER, your motivation has changed because you no long look for acceptance from them, you now love yourself enough to be proud of you. F8CK’em!! I just cut my mother & father off, and I am ready to take off. Dead weight ain’t needed when you reaching for the skies 09. OBAMA!
I’m si glad I found your blog I love your other sites as well. I can’t believe you blogged about this, I’m glad you did. I can relate to your story unfourtunaly becase I’ve got that one negative side too and then some. Sometimes you just must cut family off because eventually you realize (if your lucky) that they will always be negative to you no matter how positive you try to keep it with them. Congrats on your success and I can tell you that the friends I’ve been lucky enough to have, have been more solid and true than many of my family members.
I am HAPPY for you. God bless you and STAY FREE!
I love you girl. I finally have somebody that I feel I can relate too, my life is very similar to yours and right now Im just thinking how I’m gonna earn a living for myself and my son and you have inspired me to do so. I hope you have a happy future ahead of you x
Yessss Girl! I feel you on that one!
You have done extremely well for yourself and I do understand that you want your family to affirm you. My father is the same way, whenever I share good news about myself, he compares me to my siblings. There is something about wanting your family (especially the elders of your family) to say “Job well done!”. I hope that things got better with your family, I see that this entry was made in 2008.